the quiet things are good for you...

I'm learning lately that I need more quiet things in my life. I'm beginning to realize that it is healthy to spend a more significant amount of time winding down. Someone recently commented how surprising it is that I should enjoy spending an evening alone with a book and glass of wine. In the midst of so little sleep this summer, I think I appreciate the rare hours of peace much more than I ever have.

But, I haven't only found moments of peace in being by myself. I've found it in genuine friendships, long conversations, and community dinners. There is something so wonderful about being able to rest in another person's presence; whether sitting on the porch early in the morning with my roommate, sharing piping hot cups of tea and long conversations at night with a friend or taking a walk through town without feeling like I have to talk. I find solace in things like a simple, heartfelt hug and listening. Listening is something I'm learning to do better. These days, I'm finding new life in listening to other people.

Last night I slept without any external help. Granted, it took me several hours to fall asleep, but I slept nonetheless. I napped today on my own as well, which was incredibly rejuvenating. Tonight I turned on Over the Rhine's Drunkard's Prayer on the porch and took a few minutes to soar high on my tree swing as the sun was setting. I like feeling the thick wind brush against my face. I like rocking in my teak rocking chair under a blue gray sky, the dark fuzzy shadow of of the dogwoods forming a great canopy of peace and quiet around me. The soft, steady chorus of crickets is soothing, with the occasional cicada singing out a bright solo.

I'm hoping to sleep again on my own tonight, perhaps a few hours longer.

Its good to finally be able to say that I feel at home somewhere. I've not felt truly at home in a very long time. I'm getting there. Slowly but surely, I'm getting there.

Photo by ilkin.

Psalm 4:8

"I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety."

the world can wait

Lately my life seems to be spinning faster than the earth. I don't know why I feel constant pressure to "fill up" every moment of my time and energy with extra-curricular activities, people pleasing, and to-do lists. Tonight is the first night that I have rested since I returned from my vacation in Santa Fe. It seems odd that I would come home from a week long Sabbath only to disregard the principle in my "regular" life. But then again, this is a part of being human I suppose.

This evening I've found refreshment in simple things: washing dishes; reading old letters and journals; throwing a tennis ball; walking barefoot in the damp grass; listening to new music; letting the porch fan sweep a warm night breeze through my hair; meditating on a psalm.

I need more nights like tonight. I need to live in slow motion. I want to savor the genuine moments of connecting with other people. I smile inside when I think of these rare gifts. I don't want them to pass me by. I want to protect the Sabbath in my life.

Life is too short not to go deep. The world can wait....

(Photo by DOS82)

The High Desert

Last night I spent my first evening in the high desert. It is not at all what I expected. I didn't expect a desert to have cool weather, or so much life and beauty. Its funny how a desert can be so alive. There are animals everywhere and trees growing out of rocks. The Glen Workshop is held at St. John's College which is at an altitude of around 7500 feet. The sky is probably the most amazing part about this place so far. Its the most unbelievable sky I've ever seen. So blue, with huge, fluffy clouds moving across the mountains in ever changing forms. The sun is brighter here it seems, and creation just sings all around me. I did manage to find the only patch of grass on campus this afternoon and take a nap in it. Its easy to relax here. Its easy to rest.

I met Linford and Karin of Over the Rhine last night, and of course I acted like a complete spaz fangirl. I felt like a deer in headlights and walked away kicking myself for turning into a complete goober upon meeting them. However, this morning I was able to redeem myself by having an opportunity to tell my story and listen to the stories of others. I realized that I am not the only rabid fan in the high desert this week, so that was a relief. We spent the first class telling stories and remembering how music has played a role in each of our lives. It was deeply moving and I feel as though any barriers that might have prevented us from being vulnerable with each other as a group came down through that time. By telling my story and thinking about my life and music I was able to identify some areas where I really struggle with the art of creating. I am really looking forward to this week, hoping to grow in multiple avenues.

The community here is vibrant and unique, and already I've made some good friends. This blog has been more informative than creative, but my mind is still in "processing" mode after such an emotionally stimulating morning. I'll be sure to post some of the creative juices later in the week, when and if they start to flow.

At Brittany's request I've been taking "oodles" of pictures. So I'll leave you with a few shots of the incredible show sky put on for us last night. :)

Chasing Time

I feel like I am in a race against time, and every time I get close to taking the lead, time speeds up and blazes ahead of me out of sight. Or do I just happen to trip on my shoelaces at the most inopportune moment, slowing me down so much that it seems that I'll never catch up again? I'm not sure which is more accurate. Maybe its both.

There is so much that I have to do and even more still that I want to do. Sometimes I accomplish all that must be done, even if it is at the last minute. But rarely do I accomplish all of that and then some of the things I actually long to do. I struggle to find the time to get all of my work done by set deadlines at the firm, finish my schoolwork on time, keep up my house, take care of my dog, and honor the time I have committed to others.

For example this past week at work I have had the craziest jobs to finish on ridiculously short notice. I don't think I sat down once at work from Monday morning until Wednesday afternoon! I usually like to be ahead on my schoolwork, but lately I've been staying up late and turning my assignments in one minute before the deadline. I hate that I can't spend as much time with my puppy as I would like and as much as she needs. Minimal time is all I can offer right now, and I feel like it still isn't enough. There is so much to do around my house and in my yard - so many unfinished projects. I haven't done laundry in two weeks and the dishes are piling up! I hate that I live in a constant time crunch and something always gets sacrificed. It is usually my rest. Why is it so hard to rest?

Last Friday I went to Charleston for a Lindy Exchange (that's a swing dance weekend for all you non-dancers). I was excited but I was also dreading it because I was leaving so much undone at home. However, to my surprise it was the best thing I could have possibly done. I had forgotten how much I needed to sleep in, get good exercise, and be social. We stayed at a friend's beach house which was just the icing on the cake. I got up both mornings I was there and went swimming in the ocean. I danced in outdoor pavilions and to live bands. It was so freeing not to have time restraints tied to my ankles, weighing me down. I thought the weekend would make me more stressed, but it did the opposite. I am once again convinced that rest is not a option. It is a necessity. When I returned home I was ready to take on another week, and though it has been full speed and frenzied, I've made it through much better than I expected.

Now its Friday again. I am not making any plans. I am looking forward to staying home, doing laundry, planting flowers and making my home beautiful, playing with my puppy and loving on her, sleeping in, reading a magazine, and being with my church family on Sunday. There's a lot to do this weekend - but I am determined to rest through it all. Though time may get a big lead on me, I will continue to run with endurance. And it will be OK if I don't catch up overnight.