When dreams learn to fly...

I had an excellent cry this evening. I'm not exactly sure why. It could be for a thousand reasons. It could be because I have been wading into my memory lately. It could be because there is so much longing inside me I think my heart could break. It could be because of the simple, commonplace beauty that I encounter every day. Today I encountered a chilling breeze in the shade followed by a blast of warmth from the sun as I walked down Main Street. I encountered the sound of a puppy's feet scampering across the floor and the weight of her head on my knee. It could be because I laughed with my best friend on the telephone today. Tears well up in my eyes just thinking of how much I miss her. It could be because I read an excerpt from Job last night that made me sad. Perhaps it is because I saw art this week that gave me license to dream. It could be because tonight I listened to something so beautiful that the only appropriate response was to cry. It could be because my life is a part of greater story. Our lives are part of a greater story, one that digs deep, stirs the pot, and breaks up the places that need to be broken. And in the end of that story is life - life which we've only dreamed of, but always hoped for.

It could be a combination of all of these things.

I want to dream more. I want to write down more of my dreams. I want to dive into my imagination without fear. I want to create. I want to experience beauty every day. I want to fly. I want to love with all my heart.

There is beauty and sorrow in the world that can only warrant such a response as to weep. Sometimes I think we need it.

(Art by Janina Tukarski Ellis)

david gray and a cup of tea

Today has been one of those days that seem so long its hard to remember when it began. Nothing particularly eventful happened. I got up this morning and went to work. Then I followed my usual Friday evening routine of meeting up with a few dear friends for pizza and pints after work. But although it seemed a bit mundane on the one hand, on the other I felt a certain level of peace today that I haven't known for quite some time. It has got me to thinking: maybe its ok that I am not always excited, chasing the big dream, or living on the edge. Maybe its ok that I haven't "arrived" at some imaginary place where all my life's ambitions are playing out.

Today I have felt more than content. Today I have felt satisfied; Free; At rest. I came home tonight and my roommate put on one of our favorite albums : David Gray's "Lost Songs." She made me a cup of tea before heading off to bed. My mentor Karen is always saying to me, "Mel, Jesus really is enough for you. He is more than enough." I think I'm finally beginning to experience what that really means. It's ok that I am single. It's ok that I am not rich. It's ok that I'm no longer in Germany and it's ok that I miss it. Because He is more than enough. He is enough, and still He gives me wonderful things like the sound of David Gray picking the guitar and a warm cup of tea.

"I will run in the path of your commands, for you have set my heart free." Psalm 119:32

(Photo of painting by Janina Tukarski Ellis) - http://www.janinaellis.com/