face to face with the state of things...

I finished reading "Oliver Twist" by Charles Dickens last week. I have since almost finished another book. But, nevertheless, the closing paragraph of Mr. Dickens' novel has remained in the forefront of my mind. The book itself seems, in hindsight, to have been a grand soap opera of words from the 17th century. All of the necessary elements were there: scandal, crime, sex, murder, calamity and suspense. But underneath, I found the core to be made up of grace, mercy and the unbelievable presence of God's simultaneous goodness and justice towards humanity, though we rarely notice it.

The book I'm currently reading (Rosie, by Ann Lamott) is riddled with tragedy which is, I'm afraid, not uncommon in reality. There have been moments when I've laughed out loud. Others when I've wanted to cry. Still others, where I've been so angry at the turn of events that I've literally thrown the book across the room. (This is, by the way, the mark of an excellent writer, regardless of how disturbing the contents of the book.) I picked it up again tonight after a 24 hour hiatus from it. I am beginning to see glimpses of coming redemption in it. I am hoping for it.

Incidentally enough, I've also found myself reading the book of Job these last couple of months. That coupled with Toby's sermon this morning on Psalm 90 has made me think long and hard about how fleeting life truly is, and how to live in light of that truth while still holding fast to the unmovable hope we have in Christ. (You can listen to Toby's sermon here: www.redeemerchurch.net)

I'm not sure where I'm going with all of this, but I know I'd like my life to change. I feel a change coming on. I've been challenged this week by various people and circumstances. I'd like to be like Oliver and Rose at the end of "Oliver Twist" as Dickens describes them. They are not strangers to hardship, yet they remain faithful to God and dependant on His goodness to sustain them. Dickens' closing paragraphs express it well:

"How the two orphans [Oliver and Rose], tried by adversity, remembered its lessons in mercy to others, and mutual love, and fervent thanks to Him who had protected and preserved them -- these are all matters which need not be told. I have said that they were truly happy; and without strong affection and humanity of heart, and gratitude to that Being whose code is Mercy, and whose great attribute is Benevolence to all things that breathe, happiness can never be attained."

(Photo by Gary Knight)

love should not just be a banner

I finished Schaeffer's "The Mark of the Christian" today. Although it is a thin volume there is a wealth of truth in its 59 pages. I found this book to be very convicting, cutting straight to the heart. The central message is that love for one another, as Christ commands in John 13 is the Church's highest calling. It is also a warning that when we fail to love firstly, other believers, and secondly, our neighbors, we fail to present Christ to the world. What a staggering thought. I found myself examining my own heart and how I have not loved my own family this week, nor my Christian brothers and sisters. This book is calling the Church to unity and oneness in love for one another. He makes some provocative statements, but I think we need to hear them. I know I needed to read this book. I've quoted a few excerpts below.

"The meaning of the word Christian has been reduced to practically nothing. Surely, there is no word that has been so devalued unless it is the word of God itself. Central to semantics is the idea that a word as a symbol has no meaning until content is put into it. This is quite correct. Because the word Christian as a symbol has been made to mean so little, it has come to mean everything and nothing."

"We cannot expect the world to believe that the Father sent the Son, that Jesus' claims are true, and that Christianity is true, unless the world sees some reality of the oneness of true Christians."

"We must show a practical demonstration of love in the midst of the dilemma even when it is costly. The word love should not just be a banner. In other words, we must do whatever must be done, at whatever cost, to show this love."

"When everything is going well and we are all standing around in a nice little circle, there is not much to be seen by the world. But when we come to the place where there is a real difference and we exhibit uncompromised principles but at the same time observable love, then there is something that the world can see, something they can use to judge that these really are Christians and that Jesus has indeed been sent by the Father."

- The Mark of the Christian, by Francis Schaeffer

the peace of great books

Greenville, South Carolina is home to Bob Jones University. BJU is across the street from my neighborhood. One great thing about Bob Jones is its bookstore and library. The bookstore is better than any Christian book store I've found around here -you know the stores whose shelves are full of popular christian self-help books with titles like "How Jesus helped me lose weight" or "Sex isn't the problem: A look at lust." Or whatever.

Ok, Ok, I admit it, I am myself guilty of browsing through those bookstores and have even bought a few worthless pieces of literature there. But, I haven't bought anything in one of those stores for about a year. Anyway, I have a habit of reading about four books at a time because there is so much I want to read. I want to read great books - the kind that are old, textured and real - that speak to the real stuff of life. And, as far as Christian books go, BJU has a great selection. Great spiritual giants such as Spurgeon, Edwards, Baxter, Lewis, Schaeffer, Tozier, and many more I won't name here. And on a side note, I love Harry Potter too, though you won't find him at Bob Jones! :)

Anyway, I finished one of my favorite books today, "Stepping Heavenward" by Elizabeth Prentiss. This was my third time reading it and I have to recommend it because it just keeps getting better with each read. So, naturally I couldn't be satisfied to just finish the other books I am reading without adding a few new ones to the pile. So, I decided to take a little trip to the BJU bookstore after work. I was drooling over all the titles and authors I wanted to buy and read, knowing full well that I could not read them all at once. So finally I settled on two titles. A thin book by Francis Schaeffer titled "The Mark of a Christian" and a compilation of Puritan Writers called "A Golden Treasury" compiled by Mariano Di Gangi. I've read a few small works by such puritans as Jonathan Edwards, John Owens, and John Bunyan. I want to read more but they are so hard to choose - there are just so many and they are all so meaty to read through, I find it impossible to pick. So, I hope that this compilation will give me a good sampling of Puritan authors. So, this brings my current book list to:

1. The Bible - otherwise known as the good book.

2. The Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck

3. The Essentials of Alternative Dispute Resolution (this is a text book for my law class -poo)

4. When People are Big and God is Small by Edward T. Welch
(a book my pastor just handed me on Sunday - he said everyone should read it. I'm only into chapter 3, but I like it so far.)

5. The Mark of the Christian - Francis Schaeffer

6. A Golden Treasury - A Collection of Puritan Devotions -by Mariano Di Gangi

7. Fine Cooking Magazine -Sept/Oct issue. :)

This may seem ambitious, but I have no intention of finishing them all in a timely manner. I just like to read lots of things at once. Especially good books. Its like the words of a poem of Carl Sandburg's called "For you."

The peace of great books be for you.
Stains of pressed clover leaves on pages,
Bleach of the light of years held in leather.

I find peace in great books just like I find life in great music. Like The Mamas and the Papas. I'm listening to The Mamas and the Papas right now. Its the perfect accompaniment to a glass of red wine, a Godiva dark chocolate bar, and a great book. :)

spaghetti for breakfast

The morning is here and all is quiet except for the occasional rustle of leaves as the wind passes through the trees and the distant sound of Linford playing on the stereo inside. Its chilly enough for a sweater, but the filtered sun shines onto the porch and warms my face. Yes, this glorious, wonderful, quiet Saturday morning is finally here. I feel like I have been waiting my whole life to have this morning. Both of my roommates have gone out of town, and they've taken their dogs with them. Only Lindy and I are left.

If truth be told, I've been struggling lately. Busy-ness seems to crowd out rest, and the volume of work to be done seems to outweigh time like a sumo wrestler against a mouse. Most of the time I feel incredibly lonely, but I never have the luxury of just being alone. With two roommates (whom I love) and three dogs (whom I love) and what seems like constant dinner parties (not thrown by me) and visitors, I find that I long for solitude and quiet. And the same battle that has raged in my heart my whole life, the battle against selfishness, seems to have flared up amidst all of this. It is a hard thing to deal with the sin of self-love. Its a tricky one because it manifests itself in so many ways. Whether I am high or low, alone or in company, happy or sad, tired or wired, it pops up and takes root again. And it hurts when God takes a trowel to that root and kills it. I wish I knew how to be free of this battle, but I am sure God uses it for good, though I don't always see it. I am identifying most these days with one of my favorite literary characters. Her name is Katy Mortimer Elliott and she is the main character of a wonderful little book called "Stepping Heavenward" by Elizabeth Prentiss. Here is a snippet from Katy's journal that captures my sentiment of late:

"And I can see now, what I wonder I did not see at the time, that God was dealing very kindly and wisely with me when He made Martha overlook my good qualities, of which I suppose I have some, as everybody else has, and call out all my bad ones, since the ax was thus laid at the root of self-love. And it is plain that self-love cannot die without a fearful struggle"

But I am not too discouraged. For God has promised in 1 John 1:9 "If we confess our sins he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." And not only does he promise to do all that for me, he has doubly blessed me by giving me this quiet, beautiful Saturday morning all to myself where I can sit on my porch and enjoy such simple pleasures as eating leftover spaghetti with a cherry coke zero for breakfast. :) I'm so glad that God is good.

Peace is coming...

Character like coins...

"But one day as I was passing into the field, this sentence fell upon my soul: "Thy righteousness is in heaven." And with the eyes of my soul I saw Jesus at the Father's right hand. 'There,' I said, 'is my righteousness!' So that wherever I was or whatever I was doing, God could not say to me, 'Where is your righteousness?' For it is always right before him. I saw that it is not my good frame of heart that made my righteousness better, nor yet my bad frame that made my righteousness worse, for my righteousness IS Christ. Now my chains fell off indeed. My temptations fled away, and I lived sweetly at peace with God. Now I could look from myself to him and could reckon that all my character was like the coins a rich man carries in his pocket when all his gold is safe in a trunk at home. Oh I saw that my gold was indeed in a trunk at home, in Christ my Lord. Now Christ was all: my righteousness, sanctification, redemption."

-John Bunyan

These thoughts from John Bunyan have penetrated my spirit. I was overwhelmed on Sunday by my self-righteous heart. We've been having difficulties with our landlord in the past couple of weeks. I found myself constantly getting riled up thinking of all the ways that I was right and she was wrong. I praised myself for having been such an excellent tenant and became angry with her for failing to recognize this truth and accusing me of the opposite. "How dare she question my character? My honesty? My integrity?", I shouted in my mind as I shook my fist in the air. Hmmm...I began to realize that I have not been the perfect tenant. I have not always done everything right. I have even tried to cover up my mistakes so that I would not have to admit them to myself or anyone. The situation with my landlord is not the only area of my life in which I have boasted my own righteousness.

And so John Bunyan's words penetrated through the mud of my self-righteous heart with the force of an opened fire hydrant of clean water. It helped me to understand that my good character is merely a handful of coins that I carry in my pocket. My righteousness is a treasure chest of gold stored at home in Christ - my righteousness IS Christ.