glimpses of light

I realize that I have neglected this blog for quite some time. So much so, that its beginning to look more like an amateur Japanese poetry corner than anything else. I would not be surprised if my few faithful readers had long ago given up hope that I would ever write anything worth reading on the old blogger again. To be honest though, I haven't been writing much at all lately. I've not been doing lots of things. I've just been sort of making my way through each day, one senseless hour at a time, either feeling too much of everything at once or not feeling much of anything at all. And more often, the latter.

This unwelcome numbness has settled into my life at a strange time. It has not settled on me during a time of hardship, sickness, loneliness, or pain. On the contrary I find that most days I want for nothing, and when I think about my life I am astonished at the immense blessing which has been poured out on me.

This evening while I was sitting outside in my backyard reading Oliver Twist I felt a tiny tug against my determined will to finish chapter 34, calling me to let my mind wander. I felt my mind and my senses being awakened, just for a few moments. My insides were flooded with newness and hope in a few fleeting moments as if I had just opened my eyes for the first time. I decided to make a list of all the things that I could think of that do my soul good; things that start sparks in my heart, allowing me to desire Jesus with freshness. Perhaps I can look back to my list when the smog inevitably settles in again, clouding my vision, threatening to quench that desire in me which so longs to burst into abundant flame.

It Does My Soul Good:

1. to be alone sometimes
2. to breathe deep the thick, sweet perfume of honeysuckle
3. to hold the soft face of my puppy in my hands
4. to swing high on the tree swing without fear
5. to listen to very old Rich Mullins tapes (yes, tapes)
6. to read the words that Jesus prayed for me in John
7. to jump in a pile of freshly laundered sheets
8. to drive to the mountains, just because
9. to write a poem for my mama
10. to listen to my sister
11. to clean things
12. to be reminded that I am human, and that life is not about being happy
13. to feel the power of the wind when it almost knocks me over
14. to be honest
15. to stop talking
16. to stand outside and listen to the rain
17. to make good food for someone else
18. to play with children
19. to stare at the many different colors of green in the trees
20. to close my eyes in the middle of the day
21. to rely upon my daddy, and be ok with it
22. to dance till my sides hurt

(Image by inkswamp)

Year End Review: Flags For The Course

I have been missing from the blog world for the last couple of weeks, but I am very happy to be back. Its been a very busy December, and an interesting year. I think its funny how we tend to have ideas and expectations of what each year will hold, and every year turns out to be different than we expect. At least it is that way for me. I took some hard knocks this year. There was certainly a lot of heartache and broken relationships in it. A lot of painful but much needed "sin-killing" happened this year for me. But I also experienced some wonderful surprises in 2007. This year also brought with it reconciliation, forgiveness, and blessing. It took a few new turns I wasn't expecting. I started down a new career path, moved into a new home, acquired new roommates, and received my dear puppy companion. In 2007 I successfully read through the entire Bible, something I have always wanted to do. I joined a church, made new friends, and entered the blog world. Looking back I see that God has walked with me, led me closer to Him, and taught me a little more of what it means to follow Jesus. I've gained a better understanding of who He is, and in light of that I have gained a more accurate perspective of who I am. I hope to continue in this school of learning in the coming year.

Instead of making resolutions I am likely to fail at keeping, I decided to think of some things I'd like to do in the next year. [Flags for the course, you might say.]

In 2008 I would like to:

1. Worry less and pray more. I've realized that Jesus wasn't kidding when he said, "Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." I want my treasure and my heart to be in the right place.

2. Be healthier. I'd like to start thinking of positive ways to live a healthier life. Some ideas I have include actually going to the doctor for regular checkups (I haven't done this since before I moved to Europe. yikes!), cooking with fresh ingredients instead of processed ones, eating less "fast food", walking more and sitting less, drinking more water, and getting more sleep. I think keeping my Sabbaths will help me be healthier too.

3. Dance more. I think this will involve learning a new dance, since my swing dancing has pretty much reached a plateau. I'm thinking of learning either tap or hip-hop.

4. I would really like to learn sign-language.

5. I would really like to take a creative writing class at some point in the future. Blogging has opened up a hidden desire to splash around in the creative puddles in my mind. Maybe some of it will end up on paper.

(Flag photo by Jason Schlachet)

Tis The Season For TV Christmas Specials

So, I began thinking about this last week when I was sitting on the couch with my roommate. She was flipping through the TV channels when we briefly landed on the last 5 minutes of that famed Christmas special, "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer." Rudolph saved the day by guiding the sleigh in the storm with his nose. And then came the scene of the Island of Misfit Toys. The misfit girl doll and the Jack-in-the-box were sitting around a fire and were so sad. Then Santa came, despite their doubts, and rescued them on Christmas Eve! And before I knew it I was crying. I looked over at my roommate and saw that she was looking at me as if I were from another planet. "What?" I said. The look on her face said it all. "Seriously? You're crying?!!" she said. Then we both began to laugh. She won't stop making fun of me. I don't know what it is about these TV specials that make me cry, but they just do! I was reading an article online today about Rudolph by Rick Goldschmidt . Here is a quote that makes me laugh:

"The number one question that we get asked about the special is: What is wrong
with the MISFIT GIRL DOLL? Arthur Rankin answers this question on page five of my book. Apparently, her problem was more psychological than physical. "

Here's a list of a few other TV Christmas Specials that make me a little weepy:

1. Charlie Brown Christmas - I cry throughout this one, but especially when Linus recites Luke 2 at the end.
2. How the Grinch Stole Christmas - when the Grinch's heart grows three times its size.
3. Frosty the Snowman -when Frosty melts.
4. A Chipmunks Christmas - when Alvin can't afford to get the golden harmonica for his friend, AND when he gets better in the end and they play together.
5. Mickey's Christmas Carol - when Scrooge sees that Tiny Tim dies in "the Christmas future."

Maybe I am weird. Maybe I am just a girl. I think there is something resembling the beautiful story of redemption in all of these holiday shows and that is why they make me cry. Maybe we should pay more attention to them.

My friend Paul has officially dubbed me "a weeper." Well, after all, Jesus wept. And so did the misfit girl doll. So at least I'm in good company! :)

A loss for words...

The unfortunate truth is this: I have blogger's block.

Yes, really.

I have felt unable to write this week, and I don't know why. Its unnerving a little bit because writing has become a healthy outlet for me - an exercise of the brain - a challenging dive into my creative puddles - a wide table to serve up the bubbling pot of thoughts that I am constantly stirring in my head.

I'm thinking about my week - there are so many possibilities of things to write... and yet, none of them seem blog-worthy. (or blog-appropriate.) I decided to make a list of possible blogger's block breakers. Here's what I have so far:

1. read a new book. something out of the blue. different. new.

2. go to the park with Lindy and people watch. one is bound to find interesting things to write about there.

3. go to the mall. people watching and window shopping there might stir the pot.

4. hang out with someone i haven't seen in a long while.

5. try writing another poem.

6. call my grandmother.

7. spend some uninterrupted time in prayer

8. take an afternoon of solitude perhaps. i haven't done that in quite a while.

9. try a new recipe (or two).

10. call nelly. (i dreamed that i called you last night. you were riding your bike down a hill. talking on the phone while operating a bicycle is dangerous. you shouldn't do that.) :)

Does anyone have any more suggestions? I need help.

(Dead End Photo by walkingthedeadline)

productivity is bliss

I have had an incredibly productive weekend. That productivity extended into my Monday as well. The last few months I have felt like there is too much to do, and too little time. When nothing gets completed I feel drained, frustrated, and even guilty. But there is a measure of satisfaction in completing a project, reaching a goal, and watching your time multiply as you use it wisely. I'm surprised at how rested I feel tonight, and how rested I've been all weekend despite all the work I got done. Maybe that's the catch. Hard work is rewarded with good rest. I'm going to make a list of all the things I got done, because I like lists. :)

Wed night:

Made turkey brine and brined turkey.
Made turkey broth.
Made potato casserole with my sister.
Won a game a scrabble with a four letter, 72 point word. (yesssss)

Thurs:

Roasted turkey.
Made gravy.
Had a fantastic time with the family.
Rested.

Fri:

Rested.
Got my car fixed.
Cleaned out my car.
Unpacked and cleaned my room.
Cleaned the rest of the house from top to bottom.
Put up Christmas tree.
Watched a movie and rested.

Sat:

Decorated Christmas tree.
Ran errands
Put up outside lights and rest of Christmas decorations.
Made homemade stockings for me, my roommates, and our dogs. (6 total!)
Made butter cookies from scratch. (yum)
Cleaned kitchen (again)
Watched football.
Worked on homework and planned Sunday School lesson.
Rested.

Sun:

Went to church. (taught Sunday school)
Finished all my essays and assignments for this week.
Put in a Pampered Chef order.
Great fellowship at community group.
Rested.

AND TODAY - MONDAY:

I actually got to do some real work on a case today which was great! I finished the project that was given to me, as well as all the other crazy Monday tasks that I have to do. I had lunch with an old friend. When I came home, I cleaned up the kitchen and living room, went to the grocery store, made supper, and finished my homework for today and finished the review for my final. And all this by 9pm! Now I'm resting, reading, and blogging to chill out.

Its kind of weird to say this, but I think productivity is bliss. :) [Or maybe I am just way too Type A?]

(Bliss Soap photo by Somewhat Frank)

Gracias

I am thankful for:

my daddy - it would take more than an entire post to say why. Words simply cannot express it. He is one of God's greatest gifts to me.

my mama - she goes to great lengths seeking happiness and goodness for me, even when I do not appreciate her.

my sister - I can honestly say, at this point in my life, she is my best friend.

my puppy - she snuggles with me no matter what I'm wearing. she is unconditional puppy love. ha. :)

my community group and church - they even show up to eat with me on the day after Thanksgiving, when I would otherwise have been alone. I couldn't have asked for better friends.

my grandparents are still alive - there is something so joyful in the experience of interacting with those who came before me. I learn so much.

the measure of peace and contentment God has granted to me at this very moment. Knowing what it is to be without it, I am most grateful to be where I am.

a roof over my head, food on my table, a warm bed, and much needed rest.

I am thankful for many other things, which are all competing in my mind to make it into this list. But these are the basics, and the only ones that will make it into the blog at approximately 1:44 am.

Thank you, Jesus, for being you, for who you are - for loving me and giving me renewed life and making me your dwelling place.

(Photo by Cheese Roc)

Operation Clutter Management

I am surrounded by entirely too much stuff. Its everywhere. I can't stand it much longer.

Too many clothes.
Too many papers on my desk.
Too many hats.
Too many shoes.
Too many coffee mugs.
Too many Pampered Chef spatulas.
Too many old wine bottles. (Why do we save these anyway?)
Too many dog toys.
Too many dogs. (We'll keep those.)
Too many pens.
Too many icons on my desktop.
Too many empty CD cases.
Too many loose CDs.
Too many old Pampered Chef catalogs.
Too many books. ( Wait, I take that back. You can't have too many of those.)
Too many Tupperware containers full of leftovers in the fridge.
Too many coats.
Too many cans of soup in the pantry.
Too many things on the mantle.
Too many leaves in the yard. (Can't really help that though.)
Too many necklaces tangled up in my jewelry box.
Too many magazines.
Too many crumbs on the kitchen floor. (And yes, we actually have too many brooms which we apparently don't use often enough)
Too many things I don't use or need.

Its time for a change. I feel a great need to simplify. To quote a Jack Johnson song, "reduce, reuse, and recycle." I'm not sure where to begin, but I think I'm going to start with my closet.

As of today I have a new mission. It may take an indefinite amount of time. It may be difficult. It may be overwhelming. It may be crazy. It may just help me breathe deeper and rest easier when I come home.

This message will self-destruct in 10 seconds. (whew, one less thing lying around.) :)

(Photo Clutter by Rev Dan Catt)

a busy puppy

People always told me that Border Collies were hard workers. I knew that they were great for working on farms, herding sheep, or competing in dog shows. I read somewhere in a magazine that the Border Collie was declared the world's smartest dog. Now that I have the great blessing of sharing my life with a beautiful Border Collie named Lindy, I do not doubt that statement. Nor do I doubt that Border Collies were made to work. Lindy is nearly 8 months old now, and the best way to describe her is: BUSY. She always has an agenda. She always finds a job to do. Sometimes they are good useful jobs, or silly jobs, even cute ones. Other times they aren't so pleasant. As she gets older I am committed to finding legitimate useful jobs for her to channel her work ethic into. But for now, I am enjoying watching my busy little puppy grow up into the busy dog she will be for the rest of her life. :) I'm sure in her mind, Lindy has a rhythm to her day. I imagine she has a great checklist in her head of "things to be done." I've come to notice several of these things, and I chuckle to myself when I imagine her going down her list, placing a check or a star next to each item as she succeeds in completing them each day. I've listed some of her favorite jobs below.

• Chasing squirrels up a tree

• Staking out the tree that the squirrels are hiding out in (Lindy would make a good cop...she's relentless)

• Digging holes in the yard, especially around the oak tree

• Creating nice cool burrows in the dirt underneath the azalea bushes to rest in during the day

• Herding the other dogs (much to their chagrin)

• Gathering firewood (there is a new pile of large sticks at my back porch nearly every day)

• Killing mice and depositing them on the back steps

• Antagonizing the neighbor's cats

• Playing referee for the neighbor's kids when they play ball in their backyard. This consists of Lindy running the length of the fence calling fouls on the game and trying very hard to get control of the ball.

• Fetching just about anything that can be thrown. (favorites include tennis balls, sticks, Frisbees, and squeaky toys)

• Working on rawhide bones

• Getting treats out of kong toys (actually this is quite a difficult task)

• Opening the porch screen door, even when it is locked

• Greeting all visitors at the door with overwhelming excitement and wagging tail
  

• Taking me for walks in the park

• Sitting for treats

• Waiting by the fence for me everyday when I come home from work

• Chasing me when I am swinging on the tree swing

• Pulling out the garden hose into the yard

• Chasing water

• Cuddling on the couch with me

• Resting her head on my knees when I'm sad

• Being cute, pretty much all the time

• Teaching me to be less selfish and more responsible

• Being the best physical companion a single girl could ask for

This is only the short list, though that may be hard to believe. At the end of the day, I feel so blessed to have this busy little puppy constantly working for me, and more importantly working on me. I am her biggest project. :) It's a good thing for me she's a Border Collie. A different dog might have given up by now!

the peace of great books

Greenville, South Carolina is home to Bob Jones University. BJU is across the street from my neighborhood. One great thing about Bob Jones is its bookstore and library. The bookstore is better than any Christian book store I've found around here -you know the stores whose shelves are full of popular christian self-help books with titles like "How Jesus helped me lose weight" or "Sex isn't the problem: A look at lust." Or whatever.

Ok, Ok, I admit it, I am myself guilty of browsing through those bookstores and have even bought a few worthless pieces of literature there. But, I haven't bought anything in one of those stores for about a year. Anyway, I have a habit of reading about four books at a time because there is so much I want to read. I want to read great books - the kind that are old, textured and real - that speak to the real stuff of life. And, as far as Christian books go, BJU has a great selection. Great spiritual giants such as Spurgeon, Edwards, Baxter, Lewis, Schaeffer, Tozier, and many more I won't name here. And on a side note, I love Harry Potter too, though you won't find him at Bob Jones! :)

Anyway, I finished one of my favorite books today, "Stepping Heavenward" by Elizabeth Prentiss. This was my third time reading it and I have to recommend it because it just keeps getting better with each read. So, naturally I couldn't be satisfied to just finish the other books I am reading without adding a few new ones to the pile. So, I decided to take a little trip to the BJU bookstore after work. I was drooling over all the titles and authors I wanted to buy and read, knowing full well that I could not read them all at once. So finally I settled on two titles. A thin book by Francis Schaeffer titled "The Mark of a Christian" and a compilation of Puritan Writers called "A Golden Treasury" compiled by Mariano Di Gangi. I've read a few small works by such puritans as Jonathan Edwards, John Owens, and John Bunyan. I want to read more but they are so hard to choose - there are just so many and they are all so meaty to read through, I find it impossible to pick. So, I hope that this compilation will give me a good sampling of Puritan authors. So, this brings my current book list to:

1. The Bible - otherwise known as the good book.

2. The Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck

3. The Essentials of Alternative Dispute Resolution (this is a text book for my law class -poo)

4. When People are Big and God is Small by Edward T. Welch
(a book my pastor just handed me on Sunday - he said everyone should read it. I'm only into chapter 3, but I like it so far.)

5. The Mark of the Christian - Francis Schaeffer

6. A Golden Treasury - A Collection of Puritan Devotions -by Mariano Di Gangi

7. Fine Cooking Magazine -Sept/Oct issue. :)

This may seem ambitious, but I have no intention of finishing them all in a timely manner. I just like to read lots of things at once. Especially good books. Its like the words of a poem of Carl Sandburg's called "For you."

The peace of great books be for you.
Stains of pressed clover leaves on pages,
Bleach of the light of years held in leather.

I find peace in great books just like I find life in great music. Like The Mamas and the Papas. I'm listening to The Mamas and the Papas right now. Its the perfect accompaniment to a glass of red wine, a Godiva dark chocolate bar, and a great book. :)

An apple a day...

After a brief hiatus from the blog world I am back, thankfully, due to Nelly's gracious prodding.

So much has been happening in my life since I last posted, I feel as though I have a wealth of material to write about, simply to update the blog readers (which, I think is only Nelly!) on my comings and goings. Perhaps I will have to blog more than once in a day! Ah, but this is very doubtful. So, I will give an overview of the latest news in bullets form:

• I moved to a new old house in July/August. My parents bought a house and I get the great pleasure of renting from them. The goal, I believe, is to buy the house myself, someday. In the meantime, we are fixing it up. It is a great house with a fabulous yard, but it is requiring a lot of work. Needless to say, it hasn't yet become the restful homestead I'm hoping for. I'm still hopeful, but exhausted.


• I have two new roommates. Their names are Mary and Lindsay. They have two dogs. So altogether we are 3 people and 3 dogs. The dogs are: Lindy (mel's border collie), Maya (mary's siberian huskey), and Jo (lindsay's black lab). All I need is three rings in the backyard and I'd be living at the circus.



(In this photo: roomie Lindsay and Mel with new haircut)

• I got a fun haircut.


• I've started a new eating regimen and have been losing weight. This makes me feel great. Its amazing what eating healthier will do for you, both inside and out. Pink Lady apples are probably my favorite food these days. I eat one almost every day. An apple a day keeps the doctor away! I've coined a new proverb about apples: An apple a day instead of cookies and chips makes your clothes fit better.



(photo by Barb Iverson)


• I'm reading lots of new books. (I will blog about these in another post.)


• I'm still single, and its OK.
  

So there you have it. The latest news. Life has been busy, but God is still good. That's one thing I know I can count on.