hospitality is:

She who reconciles the ill-matched threads
of her life, and weaves them gratefully
into a single cloth—
it's she who drives the loudmouths from the hall
and clears it for a different celebration

where the one guest is you.
In the softness of evening
it's you she receives.

You are the partner of her loneliness,
the unspeaking center of her monologues.
With each disclosure you encompass more
and she stretches beyond what limits her,
to hold you.

— Rainer Maria Rilke, "The Book of Hours"

I want to be like her.

mountain air, strong coffee, and jennster von loves-a-lot-son

I rose early this morning and drove to the mountains. The morning sun streamed down through a canopy of the brightest green as I wound my way through the countryside leading up to Tryon, NC. At the end of the road I was met with fresh mountain air, a pot of strong coffee brewing, and my dear friend, Jenny Morris, aka Jennster von Loves-a-lot-son. This is a rare treat for me because Jenny lives far away in Memphis. Luckily her folks live in Tryon, only a 45 minute drive away from me. She was home this weekend, so I jumped at the chance to see her.

We poured our coffee and sat on her parents' back porch which has one of the most incredible views I've seen this side of Colorado. We talked about life, God, boys, and old friends among other things. We seem to both be settling into the idea that life isn't about where we used to be or where we want to be but rather where we are right now. I suppose life has many seasons and those season are always changing, but it helps to know what season you are in, so you can embrace it fully. We both agreed that we are in a season of singleness and as much as everyone around us seems to think this is not such a great thing, we're both realizing that it isn't such a terrible season. There's beauty in it, adventure, quietness and hope. I want to live in the present without dwelling on what used to be, or what will maybe one day be. I came across this verse this morning in Isaiah. I found it to be quite fitting:

"Forget the former things; Do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now, it springs up; Do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland." (Isaiah 43:18-19)

We also talked about music, writing, and blogging. Yes, I admit it, I am a total blog-nerd-internet-junkie-woman. But, if you are one of those too, then you should check out this website that Jenny showed me. Its her friend Amy's blog and she has some amazing thoughts to share. Jenny also introduced me to a new band. I like their sound a lot. Check out Newcomers Home.

It was such a sweet time. I miss her already.

How is it that some people always make you feel at home? I've felt more at home in the presence of dear friends like Jenny than I have sometimes felt in my own house.
God is so good for giving me such a wonderful happy Saturday gift. :)

I want to be more grateful than I am.

i heart goat cheese

Today was a beautiful fall day. So beautiful that it was really hard to stay inside at work all day when I wanted to go outside. I passed much of the time during the afternoon contemplating what to eat for dinner. I really love eating so this is something that occupies my time on a regular basis. Since I'm trying to eat healthy, I couldn't just go eat fast food or something pre-made and bad for me. Then I made my mistake. I went to the grocery store. Word to the wise: never go to the grocery store when you're hungry without a list. You just end up deciding you want to eat everything and then you buy stuff accordingly. Well, I didn't do quite so bad, but I did end up with a hodge-podge of foods which didn't exactly go well together when I got home. For example, here are some things I bought:

Fresh Salmon
spaghetti sauce
Alfredo sauce
goat cheese
lemons
golden raisins
pasta
wine
Parmesan cheese
Fine cooking magazine on appetizers

I ended up broiling the salmon, which I only ate half of.
I cooked some broccoli that I had at home, with some of the Parmesan cheese on top.
To top it all off I baked half of the goat cheese with honey, almonds, and raisins and ate it on kashi crackers complemented by a glass of white wine.

I quickly discovered, that the only thing I wanted to eat for dinner was the goat cheese. I didn't finish my half of my salmon, and I ate all the broccoli for good measure. But man, if I could get away with it I would just eat goat cheese for dinner. So much for being healthy right? :)

I'm so glad God created goats. They can be so cute and cuddly sometimes, but mostly, I just heart their cheese.

a busy puppy

People always told me that Border Collies were hard workers. I knew that they were great for working on farms, herding sheep, or competing in dog shows. I read somewhere in a magazine that the Border Collie was declared the world's smartest dog. Now that I have the great blessing of sharing my life with a beautiful Border Collie named Lindy, I do not doubt that statement. Nor do I doubt that Border Collies were made to work. Lindy is nearly 8 months old now, and the best way to describe her is: BUSY. She always has an agenda. She always finds a job to do. Sometimes they are good useful jobs, or silly jobs, even cute ones. Other times they aren't so pleasant. As she gets older I am committed to finding legitimate useful jobs for her to channel her work ethic into. But for now, I am enjoying watching my busy little puppy grow up into the busy dog she will be for the rest of her life. :) I'm sure in her mind, Lindy has a rhythm to her day. I imagine she has a great checklist in her head of "things to be done." I've come to notice several of these things, and I chuckle to myself when I imagine her going down her list, placing a check or a star next to each item as she succeeds in completing them each day. I've listed some of her favorite jobs below.

• Chasing squirrels up a tree

• Staking out the tree that the squirrels are hiding out in (Lindy would make a good cop...she's relentless)

• Digging holes in the yard, especially around the oak tree

• Creating nice cool burrows in the dirt underneath the azalea bushes to rest in during the day

• Herding the other dogs (much to their chagrin)

• Gathering firewood (there is a new pile of large sticks at my back porch nearly every day)

• Killing mice and depositing them on the back steps

• Antagonizing the neighbor's cats

• Playing referee for the neighbor's kids when they play ball in their backyard. This consists of Lindy running the length of the fence calling fouls on the game and trying very hard to get control of the ball.

• Fetching just about anything that can be thrown. (favorites include tennis balls, sticks, Frisbees, and squeaky toys)

• Working on rawhide bones

• Getting treats out of kong toys (actually this is quite a difficult task)

• Opening the porch screen door, even when it is locked

• Greeting all visitors at the door with overwhelming excitement and wagging tail
  

• Taking me for walks in the park

• Sitting for treats

• Waiting by the fence for me everyday when I come home from work

• Chasing me when I am swinging on the tree swing

• Pulling out the garden hose into the yard

• Chasing water

• Cuddling on the couch with me

• Resting her head on my knees when I'm sad

• Being cute, pretty much all the time

• Teaching me to be less selfish and more responsible

• Being the best physical companion a single girl could ask for

This is only the short list, though that may be hard to believe. At the end of the day, I feel so blessed to have this busy little puppy constantly working for me, and more importantly working on me. I am her biggest project. :) It's a good thing for me she's a Border Collie. A different dog might have given up by now!

O Nelly Where Art Thou?

Once upon a macintosh,

There was a Nelly who liked to write.
She posted blogs most every day.

She wrote with all her might.

She was a stream of creativity,

A fountain full of mirth.
She made me want to write as well.

So came my blog to birth.

At first it was a difficult task,

To write with grace and wit.

But Nelly read on faithfully,

And never let me quit.

She became my favorite reader.

She was the only one.

She always left me comments,

And made blogging much more fun.

But then one day she flew away,

To California far.

Now she rides a shiny bike,

And never got a car.

Days went by and then a week,

And no posts from her were seen.

I missed ol' Nelly's witty blog.

I missed it in my spleen!

And so dear lonely paper,

With reader only one.

I write these words to help me find,

My Nelly on the run.

So, Nelly if you can hear me,

Stop your writer's slack!!

My blog and I both miss you.

Please come back, come back, come back! :(

(props to Paul Bailey for digitally enhancing the milk carton with Nelly's face.)

renaissance carnies

(photo from www.craigsminstrel.com)

I went to North Carolina this weekend to visit my friend Mary. We were debating on what to do on Saturday, and since the local Renaissance Festival was going on we decided to go check it out. A renaissance festival is a good choice for a saturday if you want to do some seriously hilarious and sometimes frightening people watching. :)

I've been to carnivals and fairs before and I've seen some weird looking people. But the carnies at this place really added a whole new spin on kooky. The picture above is very tame, because I wanted to keep this blog G rated. I saw more exposed body parts, tight pants, open shirts, and just plain freaky looking people than I've seen in one place in a long time! It was really funny to think that there are some people who dress up like this voluntarily. (And then create websites to advertise themselves. Hence, the picture above) There was one man wearing skin tight crushed velvet pants, an open ruffly shirt and a robin-hoodish-like hat with feathers in it twirling ribbons and juggling. I wandered around thinking, how do you end up doing this job? I mean, I wonder are there really kids in the world who think, "When I grow up I want to be a professional ribbon twirler/juggler at the renaissance festival." I don't get it. What's worse though are the so called "normal" people who do not work at the festival, but actually buy these costumes and wear them around as if its the latest fashion! To each his own I guess...

I also had one of those love/hate experiences with a giant turkey leg at the renaissance festival. Yes, they were selling giant turkey legs, and corn on the cob and sausage on a stick. Although I am on a diet, they smelled really good so we thought, "when in Rome..."

Yeah, that great tasting turkey leg took about 15 minutes to start assaulting my innards. I felt uncomfortably full all day and probably should have taken some pepto-bismal. To my dismay, at 2am Sunday morning my stomach decided it was ready to kick some turkey leg out of my body. And, yes, I was painfully ill in the night. It wasn't until Sunday at church when I took communion that my insides starting feeling better.

Perhaps this physical affliction was God's way of reminding me that feasting on the world is sickening whereas feasting on Him is healing.

breakfast hope

I had breakfast with Toby, my pastor, this morning. Here is an example of God's incredible grace and goodness. I get to eat eggs and grits with my pastor at 7am on a Wednesday morning, just because I asked. I love having a pastor who is my friend and a spiritual father and mentor at the same time. After I talked about all things I struggle with, namely feeling like the most selfish person on the planet (which in fact is an expression of me being selfish!), and laughing at myself, getting frustrated, and laughing some more Toby said some things, that as always, will stick with me.

He said, "You know, you're not the only one who struggles with this. And you're not doing so bad as you think. I can see the cynicism in your eyes, but trust me, there is hope."

I left thinking about what E. Prentiss says in "Stepping Heavenward": Stop dwelling on the past. If I did not love God yesterday as I should, I can start now. I can begin again today, because as many times as I fail, he still loves me. I am unfaithful, but He loves me! I don't obey him, but he loves me! I am selfish and impatient, but he loves me! I am a sinner, but he loves me!

I think I really need to let this sink in all over again. I need to remind myself of these truths every morning. Starting over today has made a difference in my level of peace and joy. I've not "arrived" yet, but I'm still walking on the road..

Here is a great hymn that is singing in my heart:

Father long before creation,

Thou hast chosen us in love.

And Thy love so deep, so moving,

Draws us close to Christ above.

Still it keeps us, still it keeps us

Firmly fixed in Christ alone!

Though the world may change its fashion,

Yet our God is ever the same.

His compassion and His covenant,

Through all ages will remain.

God's own children, God's own children

Must forever praise His name!

God's compassion is my story,

Is my boasting all the day.

Mercy free and never failing,

Moves my will, directs my way.

God so loved us, God so loved us,

That His only son He gave!

Loving Father now before Thee,

We will ever praise Thy love.

And our songs will sound unceasing

Till we reach our home above.

Giving glory, giving glory,
To our God and to the Lamb!

Giving glory, giving glory to our God and to the Lamb!!!!

the peace of great books

Greenville, South Carolina is home to Bob Jones University. BJU is across the street from my neighborhood. One great thing about Bob Jones is its bookstore and library. The bookstore is better than any Christian book store I've found around here -you know the stores whose shelves are full of popular christian self-help books with titles like "How Jesus helped me lose weight" or "Sex isn't the problem: A look at lust." Or whatever.

Ok, Ok, I admit it, I am myself guilty of browsing through those bookstores and have even bought a few worthless pieces of literature there. But, I haven't bought anything in one of those stores for about a year. Anyway, I have a habit of reading about four books at a time because there is so much I want to read. I want to read great books - the kind that are old, textured and real - that speak to the real stuff of life. And, as far as Christian books go, BJU has a great selection. Great spiritual giants such as Spurgeon, Edwards, Baxter, Lewis, Schaeffer, Tozier, and many more I won't name here. And on a side note, I love Harry Potter too, though you won't find him at Bob Jones! :)

Anyway, I finished one of my favorite books today, "Stepping Heavenward" by Elizabeth Prentiss. This was my third time reading it and I have to recommend it because it just keeps getting better with each read. So, naturally I couldn't be satisfied to just finish the other books I am reading without adding a few new ones to the pile. So, I decided to take a little trip to the BJU bookstore after work. I was drooling over all the titles and authors I wanted to buy and read, knowing full well that I could not read them all at once. So finally I settled on two titles. A thin book by Francis Schaeffer titled "The Mark of a Christian" and a compilation of Puritan Writers called "A Golden Treasury" compiled by Mariano Di Gangi. I've read a few small works by such puritans as Jonathan Edwards, John Owens, and John Bunyan. I want to read more but they are so hard to choose - there are just so many and they are all so meaty to read through, I find it impossible to pick. So, I hope that this compilation will give me a good sampling of Puritan authors. So, this brings my current book list to:

1. The Bible - otherwise known as the good book.

2. The Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck

3. The Essentials of Alternative Dispute Resolution (this is a text book for my law class -poo)

4. When People are Big and God is Small by Edward T. Welch
(a book my pastor just handed me on Sunday - he said everyone should read it. I'm only into chapter 3, but I like it so far.)

5. The Mark of the Christian - Francis Schaeffer

6. A Golden Treasury - A Collection of Puritan Devotions -by Mariano Di Gangi

7. Fine Cooking Magazine -Sept/Oct issue. :)

This may seem ambitious, but I have no intention of finishing them all in a timely manner. I just like to read lots of things at once. Especially good books. Its like the words of a poem of Carl Sandburg's called "For you."

The peace of great books be for you.
Stains of pressed clover leaves on pages,
Bleach of the light of years held in leather.

I find peace in great books just like I find life in great music. Like The Mamas and the Papas. I'm listening to The Mamas and the Papas right now. Its the perfect accompaniment to a glass of red wine, a Godiva dark chocolate bar, and a great book. :)

spaghetti for breakfast

The morning is here and all is quiet except for the occasional rustle of leaves as the wind passes through the trees and the distant sound of Linford playing on the stereo inside. Its chilly enough for a sweater, but the filtered sun shines onto the porch and warms my face. Yes, this glorious, wonderful, quiet Saturday morning is finally here. I feel like I have been waiting my whole life to have this morning. Both of my roommates have gone out of town, and they've taken their dogs with them. Only Lindy and I are left.

If truth be told, I've been struggling lately. Busy-ness seems to crowd out rest, and the volume of work to be done seems to outweigh time like a sumo wrestler against a mouse. Most of the time I feel incredibly lonely, but I never have the luxury of just being alone. With two roommates (whom I love) and three dogs (whom I love) and what seems like constant dinner parties (not thrown by me) and visitors, I find that I long for solitude and quiet. And the same battle that has raged in my heart my whole life, the battle against selfishness, seems to have flared up amidst all of this. It is a hard thing to deal with the sin of self-love. Its a tricky one because it manifests itself in so many ways. Whether I am high or low, alone or in company, happy or sad, tired or wired, it pops up and takes root again. And it hurts when God takes a trowel to that root and kills it. I wish I knew how to be free of this battle, but I am sure God uses it for good, though I don't always see it. I am identifying most these days with one of my favorite literary characters. Her name is Katy Mortimer Elliott and she is the main character of a wonderful little book called "Stepping Heavenward" by Elizabeth Prentiss. Here is a snippet from Katy's journal that captures my sentiment of late:

"And I can see now, what I wonder I did not see at the time, that God was dealing very kindly and wisely with me when He made Martha overlook my good qualities, of which I suppose I have some, as everybody else has, and call out all my bad ones, since the ax was thus laid at the root of self-love. And it is plain that self-love cannot die without a fearful struggle"

But I am not too discouraged. For God has promised in 1 John 1:9 "If we confess our sins he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." And not only does he promise to do all that for me, he has doubly blessed me by giving me this quiet, beautiful Saturday morning all to myself where I can sit on my porch and enjoy such simple pleasures as eating leftover spaghetti with a cherry coke zero for breakfast. :) I'm so glad that God is good.

Peace is coming...

homemade soups and backyard swings

I love fall. Its the season of soup making. I read an article recently in Southern Living magazine about having a soup swapping party. The idea is to invite a few friends over and have each one bring a big pot of homemade soup. Then everyone gets to try the different soups, take home recipes, and leftovers from a variety of soups. That way you aren't eating the same soup for two weeks. Since my house is not yet fit to have parties, I decided I would just make soup for myself instead. Yesterday I made a big pot of one of my favorite soups: Two Bean Chicken Chili. Very Tasty. Here is the recipe:

black beans
pinto beans
corn
chicken
salsa
tomato sauce
chicken broth
garlic
chili powder
zucchini

Topped with: sour cream, cheddar cheese, and tortilla chips. YUM. :)

Sunday afternoons are great for cooking things like soup. Because while they are simmering, you have time to do other things. I went outside to one of my new favorite things. We have a backyard tree swing that a friend made for us. We have many old trees in the yard, including more than one Live Oak. This swing is made from a 2x10 board and two pieces of heavy duty rope and it hangs from a very high branch on the biggest oak tree. Its so high that the length of the ropes are really long, which means when you swing you can cover about half of the yard in one go. I felt like Amelie yesterday, just swinging long sweeps across the yard, looking up at the filtered light coming down through the trees, enjoying the simplicity of it all. The dogs sat on the ground nearby and their eyes rhythmically followed me - back and forth, back and forth.

There is so much I take for granted in life - like pots of soup and backyard swings. I want to be a more thankful person - more grateful, and more gracious. Even in the midst of all the things in my life that I am unsatisfied with, I am constantly reminded of this: God is good. He is all goodness.

(photo is of me on the swing at night)

An apple a day...

After a brief hiatus from the blog world I am back, thankfully, due to Nelly's gracious prodding.

So much has been happening in my life since I last posted, I feel as though I have a wealth of material to write about, simply to update the blog readers (which, I think is only Nelly!) on my comings and goings. Perhaps I will have to blog more than once in a day! Ah, but this is very doubtful. So, I will give an overview of the latest news in bullets form:

• I moved to a new old house in July/August. My parents bought a house and I get the great pleasure of renting from them. The goal, I believe, is to buy the house myself, someday. In the meantime, we are fixing it up. It is a great house with a fabulous yard, but it is requiring a lot of work. Needless to say, it hasn't yet become the restful homestead I'm hoping for. I'm still hopeful, but exhausted.


• I have two new roommates. Their names are Mary and Lindsay. They have two dogs. So altogether we are 3 people and 3 dogs. The dogs are: Lindy (mel's border collie), Maya (mary's siberian huskey), and Jo (lindsay's black lab). All I need is three rings in the backyard and I'd be living at the circus.



(In this photo: roomie Lindsay and Mel with new haircut)

• I got a fun haircut.


• I've started a new eating regimen and have been losing weight. This makes me feel great. Its amazing what eating healthier will do for you, both inside and out. Pink Lady apples are probably my favorite food these days. I eat one almost every day. An apple a day keeps the doctor away! I've coined a new proverb about apples: An apple a day instead of cookies and chips makes your clothes fit better.



(photo by Barb Iverson)


• I'm reading lots of new books. (I will blog about these in another post.)


• I'm still single, and its OK.
  

So there you have it. The latest news. Life has been busy, but God is still good. That's one thing I know I can count on.

Character like coins...

"But one day as I was passing into the field, this sentence fell upon my soul: "Thy righteousness is in heaven." And with the eyes of my soul I saw Jesus at the Father's right hand. 'There,' I said, 'is my righteousness!' So that wherever I was or whatever I was doing, God could not say to me, 'Where is your righteousness?' For it is always right before him. I saw that it is not my good frame of heart that made my righteousness better, nor yet my bad frame that made my righteousness worse, for my righteousness IS Christ. Now my chains fell off indeed. My temptations fled away, and I lived sweetly at peace with God. Now I could look from myself to him and could reckon that all my character was like the coins a rich man carries in his pocket when all his gold is safe in a trunk at home. Oh I saw that my gold was indeed in a trunk at home, in Christ my Lord. Now Christ was all: my righteousness, sanctification, redemption."

-John Bunyan

These thoughts from John Bunyan have penetrated my spirit. I was overwhelmed on Sunday by my self-righteous heart. We've been having difficulties with our landlord in the past couple of weeks. I found myself constantly getting riled up thinking of all the ways that I was right and she was wrong. I praised myself for having been such an excellent tenant and became angry with her for failing to recognize this truth and accusing me of the opposite. "How dare she question my character? My honesty? My integrity?", I shouted in my mind as I shook my fist in the air. Hmmm...I began to realize that I have not been the perfect tenant. I have not always done everything right. I have even tried to cover up my mistakes so that I would not have to admit them to myself or anyone. The situation with my landlord is not the only area of my life in which I have boasted my own righteousness.

And so John Bunyan's words penetrated through the mud of my self-righteous heart with the force of an opened fire hydrant of clean water. It helped me to understand that my good character is merely a handful of coins that I carry in my pocket. My righteousness is a treasure chest of gold stored at home in Christ - my righteousness IS Christ.

Chasing Water

I was outside this morning planting flowers in my garden while Lindy, my puppy, played in the yard nearby. When I got out the hose to water my newly planted flowers Lindy stopped dead in her tracks. Her eyes were fixed on the stream of water coming out of the hose. I stood still and watched her as she slowly crept closer to the end of the water stream. Just when she got right up to it I wiggled the hose and got her nose wet. She jumped back and then ran towards the stream! I moved the hose around and she began to chase the water back and forth around the yard with very ferocious puppy attempts to bite the water. But, to her dismay, and my amusement she only got wet! :)

It made me realize that there are so many simple things in life that are worth giving my time and attention to, that I usually just overlook. And, its the simple things that end up bringing me the most joy in the end. I have a thing or two to learn from Lindy - today I learned that chasing water is great fun! I think I'll go back outside and try it myself!

Chasing Time

I feel like I am in a race against time, and every time I get close to taking the lead, time speeds up and blazes ahead of me out of sight. Or do I just happen to trip on my shoelaces at the most inopportune moment, slowing me down so much that it seems that I'll never catch up again? I'm not sure which is more accurate. Maybe its both.

There is so much that I have to do and even more still that I want to do. Sometimes I accomplish all that must be done, even if it is at the last minute. But rarely do I accomplish all of that and then some of the things I actually long to do. I struggle to find the time to get all of my work done by set deadlines at the firm, finish my schoolwork on time, keep up my house, take care of my dog, and honor the time I have committed to others.

For example this past week at work I have had the craziest jobs to finish on ridiculously short notice. I don't think I sat down once at work from Monday morning until Wednesday afternoon! I usually like to be ahead on my schoolwork, but lately I've been staying up late and turning my assignments in one minute before the deadline. I hate that I can't spend as much time with my puppy as I would like and as much as she needs. Minimal time is all I can offer right now, and I feel like it still isn't enough. There is so much to do around my house and in my yard - so many unfinished projects. I haven't done laundry in two weeks and the dishes are piling up! I hate that I live in a constant time crunch and something always gets sacrificed. It is usually my rest. Why is it so hard to rest?

Last Friday I went to Charleston for a Lindy Exchange (that's a swing dance weekend for all you non-dancers). I was excited but I was also dreading it because I was leaving so much undone at home. However, to my surprise it was the best thing I could have possibly done. I had forgotten how much I needed to sleep in, get good exercise, and be social. We stayed at a friend's beach house which was just the icing on the cake. I got up both mornings I was there and went swimming in the ocean. I danced in outdoor pavilions and to live bands. It was so freeing not to have time restraints tied to my ankles, weighing me down. I thought the weekend would make me more stressed, but it did the opposite. I am once again convinced that rest is not a option. It is a necessity. When I returned home I was ready to take on another week, and though it has been full speed and frenzied, I've made it through much better than I expected.

Now its Friday again. I am not making any plans. I am looking forward to staying home, doing laundry, planting flowers and making my home beautiful, playing with my puppy and loving on her, sleeping in, reading a magazine, and being with my church family on Sunday. There's a lot to do this weekend - but I am determined to rest through it all. Though time may get a big lead on me, I will continue to run with endurance. And it will be OK if I don't catch up overnight.

Mother of Lindy

I received a phone call on Monday afternoon that brought great joy and change into my life all at once. My old college roommate, Mary, was calling to tell me she had found me a puppy! For years I have longed to have a Border Collie, but I have never been in a position to actually adopt one. Either I didn't have enough money, or enough space, or enough time. Its interesting how God works all things together for good. I wasn't expecting the puppy to come this week, but she came. I wasn't expecting the money to be available this week, but my tax return came and it was surprisingly larger than I was expecting. It was the perfect amount I needed to bring home a puppy. My landlord and my roommate were supportive, and my new job now enables me to have a schedule that is conducive to raising a puppy!

So she arrived late on Monday night, and I am the proudest puppy mama in the world! She is even more beautiful than I ever imagined, and I am surprised at how much I love her more each day. She is super smart too! Only 10 weeks old and she learned to SIT and play frisbee in just one day! Although she is a bundle of love and fun, she is also a bundle of work! I feel as though this is perfect preparation for me before I have kids one day. She requires lots of attention, training, exercise, and love. I think she may even break me of my bad habit of sleeping in! I've been up two mornings before 6am and I have been exhausted with pouring into my little baby girl. I am really starting to feel it now. But, I know it will be worth it. Just like children, though it is difficult sometimes to invest so much time and energy, the return is too great to measure. I hope that I will be a puppy mother and that God will use this as one way to prepare me for true motherhood. I long for motherhood more and more these days it seems. Does that mean I'm getting old? :)

I named my puppy Lindy, after my favorite swing dance, the Lindy Hop. The name is fitting, for she loves to hop around in the yard and is full of life and excitement! Perhaps one day I will teach her to dance!

I love God's surprises - they are always better than anything I could ever have expected...

david gray and a cup of tea

Today has been one of those days that seem so long its hard to remember when it began. Nothing particularly eventful happened. I got up this morning and went to work. Then I followed my usual Friday evening routine of meeting up with a few dear friends for pizza and pints after work. But although it seemed a bit mundane on the one hand, on the other I felt a certain level of peace today that I haven't known for quite some time. It has got me to thinking: maybe its ok that I am not always excited, chasing the big dream, or living on the edge. Maybe its ok that I haven't "arrived" at some imaginary place where all my life's ambitions are playing out.

Today I have felt more than content. Today I have felt satisfied; Free; At rest. I came home tonight and my roommate put on one of our favorite albums : David Gray's "Lost Songs." She made me a cup of tea before heading off to bed. My mentor Karen is always saying to me, "Mel, Jesus really is enough for you. He is more than enough." I think I'm finally beginning to experience what that really means. It's ok that I am single. It's ok that I am not rich. It's ok that I'm no longer in Germany and it's ok that I miss it. Because He is more than enough. He is enough, and still He gives me wonderful things like the sound of David Gray picking the guitar and a warm cup of tea.

"I will run in the path of your commands, for you have set my heart free." Psalm 119:32

(Photo of painting by Janina Tukarski Ellis) - http://www.janinaellis.com/

Army of Pink Shirts...

Well, I'm going to try to be faithful to yet another new blog. For some reason I haven't been able to keep these things up, but I so enjoy reading everyone else's that I can't help but continue to start over on my own.

i finally got around to one of the more mundane tasks that i should have done weeks ago. Organizing my clothes. Go ahead, laugh... yes i know, only MEL could spend a good portion of the afternoon organizing clothes because I have enough to clothe a small african villiage i'm sure. None the less, they were starting to creep out of the closet, the dresser, and the storage boxes into my bedroom/kitchen/livingroom (which is really all one room) and i was beginning to feel a bit clostrophobic. The difficulty with actually going through the process of organizing your clothes is that it requires a major seasonal committment. Now, when you live in a country like Germany, as I do, you never can tell what season it actually is. For example, Friday was quite chilly and cloudy and windy. I wore jeans and a sweatshirt. Saturday was sunny, warm and beautiful. I wore a tank top and a skirt and felt like laying out for a bit. But then Sunday it rained and hailed and thundered and it's gotten chilly again. Tomorrow its supposed to be sunny. I can't decide if its summer or winter!!

Either way I had to do it. So i opted for summer, in hopes that the weather will change in my favor. Once I got into the organizing groove, I started trying everything on, and to my surprise actually fit into some old cute clothes that I thought I'd grown out of. go me. :) then just to spice it up a bit, i decided to categorize them in my closet and I even ended up color coding them! It looks like a rainbow threw up in my closet, but I like it! I think I'll call it: Rainbow Row. It has a nice mel-ish ring to it I think. At least now I don't have to share my room with the army of pink shirts that was beginning to invade...
good night

The Itch

Sometimes I wonder when the itch began. It might have begun the first time my Uncle sent me a chocolate egg from a faraway place for my birthday. I can still remember how exciting it was each year to get another package from across the sea. I would curiously open the tiny treasures wrapped up inside a brown cardboard box, hoping that it would be a chocolate Kinder-egg from Germany! The outside of the egg was made of milk chocolate and the inside of the egg was made of white chocolate. And if you opened it just right it would split down the middle in a perfect line to reveal the secret prize hidden inside the hollow center of the egg. Sometimes it would be an action figure of one sort or another, other times it would be a car or a train. But my favorites were the puzzles. A puzzle prize meant that you didn’t just get one thing out of your egg, but many! The fun never seemed to end as I would meticulously attempt to assemble all the tiny pieces into some new unique gadget. I suppose my little collection of Kinder-egg toys began to form a connection to the outside world in my mind; the world of the unknown, the adventurous, and exciting.

It is possible though, that the itch began much earlier. I can remember flipping through the dusty pages of old National Geographic magazines in our garage as a child. I used to tear out the fold-up posters of jungles, or cities, or wild animals and pin them on the walls in my room. By the time I was in 6th grade there was hardly any space to fit the new posters of Luke Perry or Jonathan Brandis on my wall!

But if that didn’t start the itch, it certainly set in when my Mom and Dad flew away on a trip to Europe to visit my Uncle. I still remember that day at the airport. I was eleven years old and I was being sent to spend 3 weeks of my summer in Aiken with my grandparents, and heaven forbid, with my little sister! Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely loved those summer weeks when I got to be at Grandmamma and Granddaddy’s house. Those weeks would be full of digging in the garden with Granddaddy, catching lightning bugs in a jar at night, making my Grandmother’s coffee in the morning, watching nickelodeon in the afternoon while snapping a big pan of green beans on the couch, or picking purple Four O’clock’s and stringing them on a piece of straw from the broomstick to make a necklace. Those hot summer days at Grandmama’s house will always have a special and sacred place in my memory. But I can still remember that day in the airport, watching my parents’ plane speed down the runway, lift into the air and grow smaller and smaller as it flew further and further away. I can still remember the overwhelming agony of knowing that I was going to be missing the summer of a lifetime; a summer of travel and adventure.

Perhaps moments like these were the small stepping stones that led me here. Some days I still wake up and pinch myself because it seems so unreal that I live in Europe. No adventure is too outlandish for my thinking anymore it seems. Want to drive to Italy? No problem! How about a week in Portugal? Stop over in Spain? I’ve now got friends in India, Australia, South Africa and Brazil, just to name a few. It’s incredible really, when you think about it. Who would have thought that a simple girl from a small town in South Carolina would end up where I am?

And yet, there are days, like today, when I can’t help but wonder why I find myself longing for a place that I spent so many years yearning to leave. Not too long ago I felt as though I had found a new home here in Europe; a community, a family, a new way of life. I felt as though it really fit. Now, I’ve come to another crossroad in my life, a crossroad where I have to decide which direction to go next. I suppose it is this very thing that has caused me to reflect on the life journey that has brought me here thus far. So I bought a ticket. A ticket that will fly me far, far away to a place my heart knows as home. I can already smell the thick fragrance of Tea Olive flowers wafting through the hot sticky air of South Carolina…and I’m itching for a new adventure! Sometimes I think I was born with the itch.