playing

My face reflected
in smooth black, like onyx stone.

Hints of glinting gold;

Open wide its mouth

to eighty-eight smiling

strings. Copper, metal;

Thin black hands over

ivory fingers. They feel

like strong stiffened bones.

Pedals three, are heavy

under foot. Deep breaths in between

the turning pages;

A range of voices

blend together seamlessly.

Sound surrounding me;

Unseen beauty fills

the ear. The room resonates

like a sounding board.

Ringing notes slowly
fade into quiet, until

the last string is still.

(Image by ggcadc)

a child in our midst

Tonight we have two visitors. We have a Nana, and a child. Yes, three generations sleeping in one room. That room happens to be next door to mine. My roommate Mary, her mother, and her niece, Jenna, are spending the night. I have already retired to my room, where I now sit with a cup of Green Ginger tea, my laptop, and my sweet puppy. Since our house is small and the walls are thin, I have taken to observing intently with my ears.

Observation numero uno:

Upon arrival, Auntie Mary greeted Jenna with a long, tight, squeeeeeeeze of a hug. Before she let her go she said, "OK Jenna, its time for you to let go." Jenna conceded and as Mary lowered her to the floor she let go of her aunt's neck. But, Mary did not let go. She repeated, "Jenna, let go!" The child began to laugh. Mary held on tighter and shook Jenna from side to side, feigning an attempt to shake her off. The child laughed harder. "Jenna, I think... I think we're stuck! Oh no! I think we're stuck!"

Uncontrollable laughter.

"Nana, help us! We're stuck! We're stuck!" they cried. Nana came to the rescue by grabbing Jenna's legs and on the count of three pulled the child away from her aunt in a wild dramatic victory.

Laughter. Tickles. Kisses.

Observation numero dos:

A few minutes later, Mary began putting linens on an air mattress in her room. Jenna's voice began to rise to unnatural heights (even for a four year old). Crying ensued. Once again, Nana came to the rescue. Nana spoke with the calmest voice as the child displayed her best effort at showing her displeasure. "Jenna, you must stop crying and calm down if you want me to listen to you." The child contemplated this idea, but continued to cry a little. "Jenna, did you hear me? You must calm down and stop crying."

The child slowly quieted.

"Tell me, why are you whining so?" Jenna responded with a loud cry, "BUT I WANT TO SLEEP UP THERE ON THE BIG BED WITH YOU!!!" Though I could not see her, I knew that Nana was drawing from the deep wells of patience I often struggle to tap. She said, still quietly and calmly, "You need to ask your Auntie, without whining, if you may sleep on the big bed with me." The child whined. "Can you ask her without whining?" The child whined on. "Listen to me. I am not whining when I'm speaking to you and asking you to do something. When I ask without whining, I show you that I respect you. When you whine, you show that you do not respect me or Auntie."

The child became quiet once more. A few moments of silence followed. Then, a small, quiet voice asked, "Auntie....can I sleep up there with Nana tonight?"

Tears began to form under my eyelids. What a wondrous, difficult, and noble calling it must be to be a Mother and a Nana. I so long to be called into it myself! I wonder sometimes if I should be so gracious, patient, and kind as the Nana next door. Oh God, make me into such a woman!

My thinker began thinkering. I feel so often like this child. I approach my Father in heaven with whining and crying when I don't get my way. My way is not His way. He does not change. Rather He demands change of me. He is gentle, but firm. He is unmoving in who He is, but loves to answer my requests when I obey Him. When I come to Him in obedience, He embraces me and holds me tight. Even when I let go, He is still stuck to me. I cannot shake Him off. Though I am shaken, He will not be shaken.

I have learned much from the child in our midst tonight. Perhaps this is why Jesus told us we must become like little children if we are to inherit the kingdom of God. Perhaps this is the best way to understand our relationship to the Father.

Tonight there sleeps a happy child in the bed with Nana next door. Oh, that I may sleep with such blissful contentment as well.

(Image by: Ranhar2)

Casella and Portland: new music and new friends

What a wonderful Friday I had. I needed a happy Friday. It has now ushered in a beautiful Saturday morning. I have high hopes for an equally fantastic day.

I had the pleasure of hearing Jeremy Casella play last night at Portland Studios. It was a nice laid back gathering with old friends, new friends, decaf coffee from Leopard Forest, PIE, and excellent music. Jeremy's lyrics are poignant and make me think. I really like his musical style. His strong melodic themes had me humming even after I left. And I think its really cool when artists play the harmonica. I am a sucker for harmonica solos. Jeremy had a few sweet harmonica moments. If you haven't heard of him, you should check him out. Its worth it. Listen to Jeremy's music here.

Another thing I really liked about Jeremy was his honesty and realness. He shared stuff from his life that really gave his songs weight and made them relative to his listeners. I usually think of a good audience as one which embraces the musician. I found that Jeremy is a great musician and performer because he embraces and welcomes his audience with open arms. It was so refreshing to hear someone perform seemingly without pretense.

On that same note, the guys at Portland Studios carry that same sentiment. What a generous sense of welcome and ease I felt the moment I walked in. More than one person greeted me and made me feel almost at home. There is always a hint of uncertainty when entering a new place with unknown people for the first time. That uncertainty quickly melted away for me there. Here is a group of incredibly talented people, not only in their work, but also in their hospitality. Everyone should check out their website, and buy their first self-published book, a new take on Beowulf, which will be released November 15, 2008.

Here's props to Jeremy Casella and Portland Studios. Way to be real, guys... Many thanks. :)

(Image: Album cover of Jeremy Casella's newest record, "Recovery.")

its time for milk and cookies

Today is Friday Eve. It was the first sunny day after a week of desperately needed rain. When I walked outside this morning the rays of sunlight streamed through the trees and warmed the wet ground, singing the prelude to Friday in loud voices. This whole day has been straining to reach its true purpose: ushering in the weekend. I like Friday Eves because I get that itch of anticipation for something good that is coming. Its the feeling you get as a kid on Christmas Eve. The tree is packed with presents just waiting to be opened. The kitchen smells like cinnamon buns, homemade cookies, and coffee. Listening to Daddy read Luke 2 fills you up with joy - a Savior is coming!! Christmas Eve was almost better as a kid than Christmas Day because of the deep joy that comes from waiting expectantly for something good; waiting for something very good.

That's how I feel sometimes on Friday Eves. Tomorrow brings the introduction to evening fellowship, the possibility of new beers on tap at Barley's, good homegrown music, new friends, sleeping in on Saturday, enjoying a day at home, time to read good books, walks in the park, time with the family of God, and ahhhhhh REST. I can't wait for Friday. I love Friday Eve because it says, "Get ready! The weekend is almost here!"

I've been reading Isaiah this month, and it strikes me as a book full of expectancy. Isaiah is always saying in effect, "The Lord is doing something. Look for it!" Sometimes, he speaks of exile and judgement, other times of restoration and redemption. But the voice of Isaiah never fails to call the reader to expect God to move. I want to live with a sense of expectancy on more days than just Friday Eves and Christmas Eve. I want to live each day full of hope, knowing and even expecting God to show up and do something good. He is so full of goodness.

God says in Isaiah, "Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up, do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland." (Isaiah 43:18-19)

I feel like eating milk and cookies before I go to bed, just like on Christmas Eve. (It helps that I'm listening to Over the Rhine's Christmas Album, "Snow Angel.") I can't wait to wake up on Friday morning. The Lord will do good things tomorrow!!

"And I - in righteousness I will see your face; when I awake, I will be satisfied with seeing your likeness." Psalm 17:15

(photo by Zesmerelda)

love should not just be a banner

I finished Schaeffer's "The Mark of the Christian" today. Although it is a thin volume there is a wealth of truth in its 59 pages. I found this book to be very convicting, cutting straight to the heart. The central message is that love for one another, as Christ commands in John 13 is the Church's highest calling. It is also a warning that when we fail to love firstly, other believers, and secondly, our neighbors, we fail to present Christ to the world. What a staggering thought. I found myself examining my own heart and how I have not loved my own family this week, nor my Christian brothers and sisters. This book is calling the Church to unity and oneness in love for one another. He makes some provocative statements, but I think we need to hear them. I know I needed to read this book. I've quoted a few excerpts below.

"The meaning of the word Christian has been reduced to practically nothing. Surely, there is no word that has been so devalued unless it is the word of God itself. Central to semantics is the idea that a word as a symbol has no meaning until content is put into it. This is quite correct. Because the word Christian as a symbol has been made to mean so little, it has come to mean everything and nothing."

"We cannot expect the world to believe that the Father sent the Son, that Jesus' claims are true, and that Christianity is true, unless the world sees some reality of the oneness of true Christians."

"We must show a practical demonstration of love in the midst of the dilemma even when it is costly. The word love should not just be a banner. In other words, we must do whatever must be done, at whatever cost, to show this love."

"When everything is going well and we are all standing around in a nice little circle, there is not much to be seen by the world. But when we come to the place where there is a real difference and we exhibit uncompromised principles but at the same time observable love, then there is something that the world can see, something they can use to judge that these really are Christians and that Jesus has indeed been sent by the Father."

- The Mark of the Christian, by Francis Schaeffer

a bottomless well

"Fear of man will prove to be a snare but whoever trusts in the Lord is kept safe."
Proverbs 29:25

I sometimes wish this were an easier truth to swallow. I wonder why its so hard for us to believe it. Why do we care so much what other people think? Why do we constantly try to draw our worth from empty wells? I've had conversations about this with several people in the past couple of weeks and it has got me to thinking on it. The fear of man certainly is a snare. It makes us do things we don't want to do. It makes us believe lies about ourselves - about our identity. Worst of all, I think, it feeds self-absorption. Sometimes I will avoid people because I don't want to have to think about what I think they think about me. This is such a hard thing.

I had a long conversation tonight with my roommate about what it means to really let our identity rest in Christ. We went round and round in this conversation until finally she said, "I know I need to fall more in love with Jesus, and I want to but I just keep messing it up. Maybe I'm not trying hard enough." This strategy always goes horribly wrong because every phrase begins with "I."

The reality is that our relationship with Jesus begins and ends with Him. He loves us first. We mess up again and again, but he still loves us. He is unmovable; unchangeable. When we do love Him, it is because He first loved us. We are changed because He transforms us. We are saved by grace through faith and that is not of ourselves - it comes from Him. He is the beginning and the end of all things, even our relationship with Him, even our loving Him. This is why Proverbs says "whoever trusts in the Lord is kept safe." He's not going anywhere.

Recognizing this great truth again tonight is water to the dry places. Perhaps this has been a bit of a ramble, and perhaps it hasn't made much sense to anyone who's reading this. But it has helped to point me to the bottomless well of living water that is opened up right in front of me and right inside of me.

We can't live in the past. We can't live in perpetual "regret." But we can look to Christ. If we didn't love Him yesterday, we can look to Him today. We can let Him use the past to change us in the present and hold our hand as we walk into the days to come. Our God is so full of unfathomable goodness. I need to remember that more often.

Jesus answered her, "If you knew the gift of God and who it is that asks you for a drink, you would have asked him and he would have given you living water. "

"Sir," the woman said, '"you have nothing to draw with and the well is deep. Where can you get this living water?"

Jesus answered, "Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed the water I give him will become in him a spring of water, welling up to eternal life."

John 4:10, 11, 13-14

monday morning musings...

It's raining outside. Sometimes I love the rain. Sometimes I hate it. Today I am in between. Rain usually makes me think a lot. Rain also usually gives me a headache - my sinuses don't like it. But my headache is waning and I have started settling into my rainy day thoughts.

It's also Monday morning. Sometimes I like Mondays. Sometimes I hate them. Today I am in between. I didn't want to wake up this morning. My puppy was so cute this morning when I rolled over to get up. She literally scooched all the way from the foot of my bed and sat her butt right down on my chest so her face was on my face. I guess she doesn't like waking up on Monday's either. :) But awake I am, and its the beginning of a new week. I like new beginnings. They make me hopeful.

My roommate Lindsay and I really bonded last night. We made an appetizer together for Mary and Tim's engagement party. She was a great date. (except I think she spiked my drink.) :) I think she is going to stay after Mary moves out, at least for a little while. This was a relief and eased my mind. I was stressing a little too much about it I think. We decided to go together to the Halloween Dance Party, so we are trying to come up with a great "dynamic duo" costume. If Nelly would show me how to do those cool blog-polls I could let the readers vote. (hint to Nelly - when do my blog-pimping lessons start?) :)

It is almost time for lunch. I feel like soup and a book today for lunch. I haven't had a chance to read in a few days with all that's been going on. I bought a new book this weekend. Another collection of Rilke's poems but this one has both the German and the English side by side. I get a lot more out of it this way rather than reading just the German or just the English. I think I will sit on my porch with my soup and my book and listen to Rosie Thomas. I need more time with my thoughts today. My mind is wandering into so many different rooms right now. This post is turning out to be similar to Nelly's "streams" I think.

For those of you who were anticipating the blog about Round Two of Over the Rhine on Friday night, I am sorry I have yet to post it. I was just too tired this weekend. So, although this won't do it any justice, I will post a mini-blog within a blog about Round Two. Here it is:

OTR ROUND TWO: DING DING!

Linford is a musical wizard. I would write a discourse on this guy if I had the time, energy, or space to do it. It doesn't matter what he's playing; piano, organ, guitar, bass, or all of the above. Its like magic in my ears when he sits at the piano though. He is a champion improviser. After hearing him twice in one week, I can say that its seems like he doesn't ever play the same song the same way. It was absolutely brilliant.

I met Rosie Thomas, and she is so nice. I bought another one of her CD's. I saw her standing at the bar before the show, so I went over to introduce myself. We talked for about 15-20 minutes or so and I just really like her. She's very down to earth and really quite humble and sweet.

I sat in the second row this time and I had 8 of my friends come along. It was great to introduce so many new people to such a fantastic band. That makes me happy. Karin was gorgeous as usual, but particularly enchanting on Friday. The show definitely had a "Friday night feel" to it in comparison with Wednesday night. She was a little more sultry, sang a couple of sexy Christmas songs from Snow Angel and she just had a little more sass. In the end, all I can really say is: what a voice!

(photo of my rainy back yard, from my phone)

Over the Rhine Live: Round One

(Photo by Brittany Holcombe)

ROUND ONE: DING!

Last night I had the great privilege of seeing Over the Rhine live in concert with my friend Brittany at The Grey Eagle in Asheville, NC. This was the second time I've seen OtR in concert and I have to say: they just keep getting better and better! I really like The Grey Eagle as a venue because its cozy. There's a bar in the back and couches up front. It was like having Karin and Linford in my living room. Talk about incredible acoustics too. Live music is one of those experiences that is unparalleled in my opinion. I absolutely love it.

Before I go any further with this blog, I have to mention, that Brittany and I ate dinner at this funky little place called "Eatie's Cereal Bar." They had all kinds of old school cereal and you can just fill your bowl up with whatever you want and then pick your milk. They had yellow booths and a big screen that played old Saturday morning cartoons in the back. I felt like a kid again! If you haven't tried a cereal bar lately, I highly recommend it. I had a combination of random cereals, but I think I was most excited about the fruity pebbles. :)

OK, on to the highlights:

• New discovery of the evening: ROSIE THOMAS. Where has this girl been hiding all my life? It was by far one of the best opening acts I've seen in awhile. Her lyrics were piercing and honest and her music was tender and mellow. She was really cute and funny too. One odd observation though: her talking voice sounds nothing like her singing voice. She has this high pitched, cute, girly talking voice and then this soulful, Sarah-McLaughlin-esque singing voice. She also sews aprons and sells them with her other merchandise. Moral of this story: Rosie Thomas rocks. Buy her CD. I did. :)

• The lineup: We had fair seats, but about 5 songs before the end some people left from the front row. So, we slipped up to the front for an incredible view. It was perfect timing too because the very next song happened to be in my top 3 OtR songs - "Suitcase" from Ohio. The lineup was a good mix but was naturally weighted with songs from "The Trumpet Child." I think they played 2 songs from Ohio, 1 from Drunkard's prayer, a couple of great covers (including "Fever" and "Orphan Girl" also two of my favorites) and the rest were from "The Trumpet Child."

• Favorite Comments from the Band: Linford described the title song "The Trumpet Child" as a mixture of his growing up around old hymns and his love for the great trumpeters of the 20th century like Louis Armstrong and Miles Davis. He said that he's always wondered what God's great trumpet call in the end will sound like - in his words, "What's on God's iPod?" He said this was their very own "jazz hymn." It was so incredible it gave me chill bumps. Karin made some excellent comments about their visit to the White House. When asked what they wanted to say to people in their music, she responded with, "you don't have to live life in fear."

• Best Moment: It's hard to pick a "best moment" when Karin wails like she does on every song, melting your heart and taking your breath away. But, I'm gonna have to say that when Karin pulled out an old burnt metal cookie sheet and started playing it like a tambourine in "Don't Wait For Tom", I knew it doesn't get much better than this. Only this band could pull that off and still be classy!

(photo of Karin playing the cookie sheet by Brittany Holcombe)

I bought two t-shirts and got a free concert tour poster. I also bought Rosie's CD. I can't decide which shirt I'm going to wear to the show at the Handlebar on Friday night. I think I'll wear the red one. Red is a good color. I feel like an OTR groupie for going to two shows in the same week. But I like being a groupie... I am already gearing up for round two!!

DING DING!

the OtR marinade

Two Days Out:

• Thaw. The best method is to listen to the cool favorites such as Snow Angel and Darkest Night of the Year.

One Day Out:

• Tenderize by listening to "The Trumpet Child" in the car for no less than 24 hours, working it in thoroughly.
• Soak overnight in "Drunkard's Prayer" and two glasses of Cabernet.

The Day of:

• Season with the aged oak taste of "Films for Radio", fresh ground pepper, and sea salt.
• Dip into the mournful wells of "Good Dog Bad Dog" to add depth of flavor and a lot of soul.
• Rinse lightly in some of Linford's solos for softness.
• Last, but not least add in a generous portion of "Ohio" for the sweet aftertaste of reminiscence.
• Saute', sizzle, and sear with anticipation during the 1 hour drive to the concert.
• Serve hot with a side of dark chocolate and a glass of red wine (your choice)

TONIGHT IS THE NIGHT!!!! :)

tuesday evening laughs

Call me cheesy, but this video made me laugh out loud today!

Click here. It is worth the one minute and 17 seconds. :)

Now that I've had my Tuesday evening laugh, I'm going to go heat up some leftovers and then I'm going out for a pint. They are tapping a new Rogue at Barley's tonight called "Santa's Little Helper." Perhaps there will be a follow up blog on it. :)

wade in the water...

hello dear blog.

Love is a curious thing. Sometimes I wonder at how I feel so far off from it, even when it wells up inside me. I think I'm realizing in a new way that true love is sacrificial. Obviously there is the ultimate sacrificial love: Jesus. But, the reality is that love, even in my everyday life, must be sacrificial. What does that look like? I'm not entirely sure. I have an idea, and I'm pretty certain that its the hardest thing to really live out consistently. I hate that it is hard.

Let me recap my weekend. Perhaps these thoughts will mesh into some sign of intelligent life on mars.

A man asked my roommate to be his wife this weekend. He took her to the Biltmore Estate and carried her across a river. I suppose it was meant to be symbolic. Would she follow him into the tide? Would she trust him to carry her? Would he love her more than himself, even if the water rose to dangerous heights? The answer is yes. She said yes. He said yes. They are getting married in March. Its beautiful, really.

Saturday night I went to a Wedding reception. The bride was absolutely stunning. There was beauty all around. Words were spoken about the marriage vows and what they mean. I found comfort in hearing that even in this we cannot fulfil those vows without Christ. He is sufficient when we are not. I saw my dear friends, George and Terri (parents of the bride) looking joyful. That made my heart smile. At one point the photographer gathered the family together. Now this was a beautiful picture. In the center were George and Terri (parents) and around them were their newlywed daughter and son-in-law, next to them their son and his wife, and then their other daughter and her fiancee. They all kissed their beloved ones as the camera flashed. It was beautiful.

There has been much on my mind these past few days that has slowly been sinking into my bloodstream. I have yet to be able to express it. The hard part about all this is that while I am excited and moved to tears by these beautiful, even wonderful events, somewhere inside me is a very selfish little girl who can't stop looking inward. I have mulled over my fears of being alone when my roommate(s) leave, and my fears of never knowing this type of love. I've been sad when I've pondered the idea that somebody must want to be around another person all the time to want to marry them. That is hard to imagine in my life. I don't really like to be around me all the time, and I've lived with myself for 27 years. I've looked inward, and struggled to pour out into the lives of those around me.

Love must be sacrificial. Even in the small things. Tonight I was alone while my roommates were out celebrating. I wasn't invited. I felt lonely. I felt hurt. And as I mulled over these feelings and all the events of the weekend I realized that even in this I struggled to love them. I asked God to help me see beyond myself. He did. I forgot myself long enough to love on them when they got home. Its hard to sacrifice, especially my own self-love and self-pity. That is often the hardest thing to give up.

And now I run to the lover of my soul - the one who was sacrificed for me and who lives to intercede for me - the one who despite the blackest parts of my soul, says "I want to be with you all the time. I want to marry you." Oh that I may learn to love fully and deeply -in every day life... that I may learn that love is not about me.

For some more interesting (and much more coherent) thoughts on this topic, check out a recent post on Revol.

goodnight dear blog.

hospitality is:

She who reconciles the ill-matched threads
of her life, and weaves them gratefully
into a single cloth—
it's she who drives the loudmouths from the hall
and clears it for a different celebration

where the one guest is you.
In the softness of evening
it's you she receives.

You are the partner of her loneliness,
the unspeaking center of her monologues.
With each disclosure you encompass more
and she stretches beyond what limits her,
to hold you.

— Rainer Maria Rilke, "The Book of Hours"

I want to be like her.

mountain air, strong coffee, and jennster von loves-a-lot-son

I rose early this morning and drove to the mountains. The morning sun streamed down through a canopy of the brightest green as I wound my way through the countryside leading up to Tryon, NC. At the end of the road I was met with fresh mountain air, a pot of strong coffee brewing, and my dear friend, Jenny Morris, aka Jennster von Loves-a-lot-son. This is a rare treat for me because Jenny lives far away in Memphis. Luckily her folks live in Tryon, only a 45 minute drive away from me. She was home this weekend, so I jumped at the chance to see her.

We poured our coffee and sat on her parents' back porch which has one of the most incredible views I've seen this side of Colorado. We talked about life, God, boys, and old friends among other things. We seem to both be settling into the idea that life isn't about where we used to be or where we want to be but rather where we are right now. I suppose life has many seasons and those season are always changing, but it helps to know what season you are in, so you can embrace it fully. We both agreed that we are in a season of singleness and as much as everyone around us seems to think this is not such a great thing, we're both realizing that it isn't such a terrible season. There's beauty in it, adventure, quietness and hope. I want to live in the present without dwelling on what used to be, or what will maybe one day be. I came across this verse this morning in Isaiah. I found it to be quite fitting:

"Forget the former things; Do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now, it springs up; Do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland." (Isaiah 43:18-19)

We also talked about music, writing, and blogging. Yes, I admit it, I am a total blog-nerd-internet-junkie-woman. But, if you are one of those too, then you should check out this website that Jenny showed me. Its her friend Amy's blog and she has some amazing thoughts to share. Jenny also introduced me to a new band. I like their sound a lot. Check out Newcomers Home.

It was such a sweet time. I miss her already.

How is it that some people always make you feel at home? I've felt more at home in the presence of dear friends like Jenny than I have sometimes felt in my own house.
God is so good for giving me such a wonderful happy Saturday gift. :)

I want to be more grateful than I am.

i heart goat cheese

Today was a beautiful fall day. So beautiful that it was really hard to stay inside at work all day when I wanted to go outside. I passed much of the time during the afternoon contemplating what to eat for dinner. I really love eating so this is something that occupies my time on a regular basis. Since I'm trying to eat healthy, I couldn't just go eat fast food or something pre-made and bad for me. Then I made my mistake. I went to the grocery store. Word to the wise: never go to the grocery store when you're hungry without a list. You just end up deciding you want to eat everything and then you buy stuff accordingly. Well, I didn't do quite so bad, but I did end up with a hodge-podge of foods which didn't exactly go well together when I got home. For example, here are some things I bought:

Fresh Salmon
spaghetti sauce
Alfredo sauce
goat cheese
lemons
golden raisins
pasta
wine
Parmesan cheese
Fine cooking magazine on appetizers

I ended up broiling the salmon, which I only ate half of.
I cooked some broccoli that I had at home, with some of the Parmesan cheese on top.
To top it all off I baked half of the goat cheese with honey, almonds, and raisins and ate it on kashi crackers complemented by a glass of white wine.

I quickly discovered, that the only thing I wanted to eat for dinner was the goat cheese. I didn't finish my half of my salmon, and I ate all the broccoli for good measure. But man, if I could get away with it I would just eat goat cheese for dinner. So much for being healthy right? :)

I'm so glad God created goats. They can be so cute and cuddly sometimes, but mostly, I just heart their cheese.

a busy puppy

People always told me that Border Collies were hard workers. I knew that they were great for working on farms, herding sheep, or competing in dog shows. I read somewhere in a magazine that the Border Collie was declared the world's smartest dog. Now that I have the great blessing of sharing my life with a beautiful Border Collie named Lindy, I do not doubt that statement. Nor do I doubt that Border Collies were made to work. Lindy is nearly 8 months old now, and the best way to describe her is: BUSY. She always has an agenda. She always finds a job to do. Sometimes they are good useful jobs, or silly jobs, even cute ones. Other times they aren't so pleasant. As she gets older I am committed to finding legitimate useful jobs for her to channel her work ethic into. But for now, I am enjoying watching my busy little puppy grow up into the busy dog she will be for the rest of her life. :) I'm sure in her mind, Lindy has a rhythm to her day. I imagine she has a great checklist in her head of "things to be done." I've come to notice several of these things, and I chuckle to myself when I imagine her going down her list, placing a check or a star next to each item as she succeeds in completing them each day. I've listed some of her favorite jobs below.

• Chasing squirrels up a tree

• Staking out the tree that the squirrels are hiding out in (Lindy would make a good cop...she's relentless)

• Digging holes in the yard, especially around the oak tree

• Creating nice cool burrows in the dirt underneath the azalea bushes to rest in during the day

• Herding the other dogs (much to their chagrin)

• Gathering firewood (there is a new pile of large sticks at my back porch nearly every day)

• Killing mice and depositing them on the back steps

• Antagonizing the neighbor's cats

• Playing referee for the neighbor's kids when they play ball in their backyard. This consists of Lindy running the length of the fence calling fouls on the game and trying very hard to get control of the ball.

• Fetching just about anything that can be thrown. (favorites include tennis balls, sticks, Frisbees, and squeaky toys)

• Working on rawhide bones

• Getting treats out of kong toys (actually this is quite a difficult task)

• Opening the porch screen door, even when it is locked

• Greeting all visitors at the door with overwhelming excitement and wagging tail
  

• Taking me for walks in the park

• Sitting for treats

• Waiting by the fence for me everyday when I come home from work

• Chasing me when I am swinging on the tree swing

• Pulling out the garden hose into the yard

• Chasing water

• Cuddling on the couch with me

• Resting her head on my knees when I'm sad

• Being cute, pretty much all the time

• Teaching me to be less selfish and more responsible

• Being the best physical companion a single girl could ask for

This is only the short list, though that may be hard to believe. At the end of the day, I feel so blessed to have this busy little puppy constantly working for me, and more importantly working on me. I am her biggest project. :) It's a good thing for me she's a Border Collie. A different dog might have given up by now!

O Nelly Where Art Thou?

Once upon a macintosh,

There was a Nelly who liked to write.
She posted blogs most every day.

She wrote with all her might.

She was a stream of creativity,

A fountain full of mirth.
She made me want to write as well.

So came my blog to birth.

At first it was a difficult task,

To write with grace and wit.

But Nelly read on faithfully,

And never let me quit.

She became my favorite reader.

She was the only one.

She always left me comments,

And made blogging much more fun.

But then one day she flew away,

To California far.

Now she rides a shiny bike,

And never got a car.

Days went by and then a week,

And no posts from her were seen.

I missed ol' Nelly's witty blog.

I missed it in my spleen!

And so dear lonely paper,

With reader only one.

I write these words to help me find,

My Nelly on the run.

So, Nelly if you can hear me,

Stop your writer's slack!!

My blog and I both miss you.

Please come back, come back, come back! :(

(props to Paul Bailey for digitally enhancing the milk carton with Nelly's face.)

renaissance carnies

(photo from www.craigsminstrel.com)

I went to North Carolina this weekend to visit my friend Mary. We were debating on what to do on Saturday, and since the local Renaissance Festival was going on we decided to go check it out. A renaissance festival is a good choice for a saturday if you want to do some seriously hilarious and sometimes frightening people watching. :)

I've been to carnivals and fairs before and I've seen some weird looking people. But the carnies at this place really added a whole new spin on kooky. The picture above is very tame, because I wanted to keep this blog G rated. I saw more exposed body parts, tight pants, open shirts, and just plain freaky looking people than I've seen in one place in a long time! It was really funny to think that there are some people who dress up like this voluntarily. (And then create websites to advertise themselves. Hence, the picture above) There was one man wearing skin tight crushed velvet pants, an open ruffly shirt and a robin-hoodish-like hat with feathers in it twirling ribbons and juggling. I wandered around thinking, how do you end up doing this job? I mean, I wonder are there really kids in the world who think, "When I grow up I want to be a professional ribbon twirler/juggler at the renaissance festival." I don't get it. What's worse though are the so called "normal" people who do not work at the festival, but actually buy these costumes and wear them around as if its the latest fashion! To each his own I guess...

I also had one of those love/hate experiences with a giant turkey leg at the renaissance festival. Yes, they were selling giant turkey legs, and corn on the cob and sausage on a stick. Although I am on a diet, they smelled really good so we thought, "when in Rome..."

Yeah, that great tasting turkey leg took about 15 minutes to start assaulting my innards. I felt uncomfortably full all day and probably should have taken some pepto-bismal. To my dismay, at 2am Sunday morning my stomach decided it was ready to kick some turkey leg out of my body. And, yes, I was painfully ill in the night. It wasn't until Sunday at church when I took communion that my insides starting feeling better.

Perhaps this physical affliction was God's way of reminding me that feasting on the world is sickening whereas feasting on Him is healing.

breakfast hope

I had breakfast with Toby, my pastor, this morning. Here is an example of God's incredible grace and goodness. I get to eat eggs and grits with my pastor at 7am on a Wednesday morning, just because I asked. I love having a pastor who is my friend and a spiritual father and mentor at the same time. After I talked about all things I struggle with, namely feeling like the most selfish person on the planet (which in fact is an expression of me being selfish!), and laughing at myself, getting frustrated, and laughing some more Toby said some things, that as always, will stick with me.

He said, "You know, you're not the only one who struggles with this. And you're not doing so bad as you think. I can see the cynicism in your eyes, but trust me, there is hope."

I left thinking about what E. Prentiss says in "Stepping Heavenward": Stop dwelling on the past. If I did not love God yesterday as I should, I can start now. I can begin again today, because as many times as I fail, he still loves me. I am unfaithful, but He loves me! I don't obey him, but he loves me! I am selfish and impatient, but he loves me! I am a sinner, but he loves me!

I think I really need to let this sink in all over again. I need to remind myself of these truths every morning. Starting over today has made a difference in my level of peace and joy. I've not "arrived" yet, but I'm still walking on the road..

Here is a great hymn that is singing in my heart:

Father long before creation,

Thou hast chosen us in love.

And Thy love so deep, so moving,

Draws us close to Christ above.

Still it keeps us, still it keeps us

Firmly fixed in Christ alone!

Though the world may change its fashion,

Yet our God is ever the same.

His compassion and His covenant,

Through all ages will remain.

God's own children, God's own children

Must forever praise His name!

God's compassion is my story,

Is my boasting all the day.

Mercy free and never failing,

Moves my will, directs my way.

God so loved us, God so loved us,

That His only son He gave!

Loving Father now before Thee,

We will ever praise Thy love.

And our songs will sound unceasing

Till we reach our home above.

Giving glory, giving glory,
To our God and to the Lamb!

Giving glory, giving glory to our God and to the Lamb!!!!

the peace of great books

Greenville, South Carolina is home to Bob Jones University. BJU is across the street from my neighborhood. One great thing about Bob Jones is its bookstore and library. The bookstore is better than any Christian book store I've found around here -you know the stores whose shelves are full of popular christian self-help books with titles like "How Jesus helped me lose weight" or "Sex isn't the problem: A look at lust." Or whatever.

Ok, Ok, I admit it, I am myself guilty of browsing through those bookstores and have even bought a few worthless pieces of literature there. But, I haven't bought anything in one of those stores for about a year. Anyway, I have a habit of reading about four books at a time because there is so much I want to read. I want to read great books - the kind that are old, textured and real - that speak to the real stuff of life. And, as far as Christian books go, BJU has a great selection. Great spiritual giants such as Spurgeon, Edwards, Baxter, Lewis, Schaeffer, Tozier, and many more I won't name here. And on a side note, I love Harry Potter too, though you won't find him at Bob Jones! :)

Anyway, I finished one of my favorite books today, "Stepping Heavenward" by Elizabeth Prentiss. This was my third time reading it and I have to recommend it because it just keeps getting better with each read. So, naturally I couldn't be satisfied to just finish the other books I am reading without adding a few new ones to the pile. So, I decided to take a little trip to the BJU bookstore after work. I was drooling over all the titles and authors I wanted to buy and read, knowing full well that I could not read them all at once. So finally I settled on two titles. A thin book by Francis Schaeffer titled "The Mark of a Christian" and a compilation of Puritan Writers called "A Golden Treasury" compiled by Mariano Di Gangi. I've read a few small works by such puritans as Jonathan Edwards, John Owens, and John Bunyan. I want to read more but they are so hard to choose - there are just so many and they are all so meaty to read through, I find it impossible to pick. So, I hope that this compilation will give me a good sampling of Puritan authors. So, this brings my current book list to:

1. The Bible - otherwise known as the good book.

2. The Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck

3. The Essentials of Alternative Dispute Resolution (this is a text book for my law class -poo)

4. When People are Big and God is Small by Edward T. Welch
(a book my pastor just handed me on Sunday - he said everyone should read it. I'm only into chapter 3, but I like it so far.)

5. The Mark of the Christian - Francis Schaeffer

6. A Golden Treasury - A Collection of Puritan Devotions -by Mariano Di Gangi

7. Fine Cooking Magazine -Sept/Oct issue. :)

This may seem ambitious, but I have no intention of finishing them all in a timely manner. I just like to read lots of things at once. Especially good books. Its like the words of a poem of Carl Sandburg's called "For you."

The peace of great books be for you.
Stains of pressed clover leaves on pages,
Bleach of the light of years held in leather.

I find peace in great books just like I find life in great music. Like The Mamas and the Papas. I'm listening to The Mamas and the Papas right now. Its the perfect accompaniment to a glass of red wine, a Godiva dark chocolate bar, and a great book. :)