A loss for words...

The unfortunate truth is this: I have blogger's block.

Yes, really.

I have felt unable to write this week, and I don't know why. Its unnerving a little bit because writing has become a healthy outlet for me - an exercise of the brain - a challenging dive into my creative puddles - a wide table to serve up the bubbling pot of thoughts that I am constantly stirring in my head.

I'm thinking about my week - there are so many possibilities of things to write... and yet, none of them seem blog-worthy. (or blog-appropriate.) I decided to make a list of possible blogger's block breakers. Here's what I have so far:

1. read a new book. something out of the blue. different. new.

2. go to the park with Lindy and people watch. one is bound to find interesting things to write about there.

3. go to the mall. people watching and window shopping there might stir the pot.

4. hang out with someone i haven't seen in a long while.

5. try writing another poem.

6. call my grandmother.

7. spend some uninterrupted time in prayer

8. take an afternoon of solitude perhaps. i haven't done that in quite a while.

9. try a new recipe (or two).

10. call nelly. (i dreamed that i called you last night. you were riding your bike down a hill. talking on the phone while operating a bicycle is dangerous. you shouldn't do that.) :)

Does anyone have any more suggestions? I need help.

(Dead End Photo by walkingthedeadline)

productivity is bliss

I have had an incredibly productive weekend. That productivity extended into my Monday as well. The last few months I have felt like there is too much to do, and too little time. When nothing gets completed I feel drained, frustrated, and even guilty. But there is a measure of satisfaction in completing a project, reaching a goal, and watching your time multiply as you use it wisely. I'm surprised at how rested I feel tonight, and how rested I've been all weekend despite all the work I got done. Maybe that's the catch. Hard work is rewarded with good rest. I'm going to make a list of all the things I got done, because I like lists. :)

Wed night:

Made turkey brine and brined turkey.
Made turkey broth.
Made potato casserole with my sister.
Won a game a scrabble with a four letter, 72 point word. (yesssss)

Thurs:

Roasted turkey.
Made gravy.
Had a fantastic time with the family.
Rested.

Fri:

Rested.
Got my car fixed.
Cleaned out my car.
Unpacked and cleaned my room.
Cleaned the rest of the house from top to bottom.
Put up Christmas tree.
Watched a movie and rested.

Sat:

Decorated Christmas tree.
Ran errands
Put up outside lights and rest of Christmas decorations.
Made homemade stockings for me, my roommates, and our dogs. (6 total!)
Made butter cookies from scratch. (yum)
Cleaned kitchen (again)
Watched football.
Worked on homework and planned Sunday School lesson.
Rested.

Sun:

Went to church. (taught Sunday school)
Finished all my essays and assignments for this week.
Put in a Pampered Chef order.
Great fellowship at community group.
Rested.

AND TODAY - MONDAY:

I actually got to do some real work on a case today which was great! I finished the project that was given to me, as well as all the other crazy Monday tasks that I have to do. I had lunch with an old friend. When I came home, I cleaned up the kitchen and living room, went to the grocery store, made supper, and finished my homework for today and finished the review for my final. And all this by 9pm! Now I'm resting, reading, and blogging to chill out.

Its kind of weird to say this, but I think productivity is bliss. :) [Or maybe I am just way too Type A?]

(Bliss Soap photo by Somewhat Frank)

Gracias

I am thankful for:

my daddy - it would take more than an entire post to say why. Words simply cannot express it. He is one of God's greatest gifts to me.

my mama - she goes to great lengths seeking happiness and goodness for me, even when I do not appreciate her.

my sister - I can honestly say, at this point in my life, she is my best friend.

my puppy - she snuggles with me no matter what I'm wearing. she is unconditional puppy love. ha. :)

my community group and church - they even show up to eat with me on the day after Thanksgiving, when I would otherwise have been alone. I couldn't have asked for better friends.

my grandparents are still alive - there is something so joyful in the experience of interacting with those who came before me. I learn so much.

the measure of peace and contentment God has granted to me at this very moment. Knowing what it is to be without it, I am most grateful to be where I am.

a roof over my head, food on my table, a warm bed, and much needed rest.

I am thankful for many other things, which are all competing in my mind to make it into this list. But these are the basics, and the only ones that will make it into the blog at approximately 1:44 am.

Thank you, Jesus, for being you, for who you are - for loving me and giving me renewed life and making me your dwelling place.

(Photo by Cheese Roc)

Video Blog: Autumn Walk in New England

Here is my first attempt at video blogging. It has been an experiment of sorts, but I am very happy with the results. This is a two and a half minute version of the walk I took every morning during my visit in New England. :)

Many thanks to Nelly for her tips and inspiriation.

Muchas Gracias to Brittany for so graciously providing me with her Monday night, her mad computer skills, and her Macbook. (note to Santa: I would really like one of these one day!)

Post Script: Links

Video Soundtrack: "January Rain" from David Gray's album Lost Songs.

Everybody check out Nelly's awesome videos, from whence I drew my inspiration.

Thanks again to Brittany for all your help!

For Santa...

Welcome to New England

[POST SCRIPT: For some reason the formatting on the shape of my poem is all messed up and I can't get it fixed. So, it doesn't exactly read the same as it does on paper. Just a heads up. ]

I am waiting in the Atlanta airport for my flight back to Greenville after an amazing weekend in New Haven, CT. I thought about writing a narrative blog about it, but I wrote a poem on the plane instead. I think (and hope) it communicates my weekend well.

I call it, "Welcome to New England."

Where d’ya go to school? Looks like
YALE.
Nope. Just visiting. It’s beautiful this time
of year.

First,

North Haven,

then

New Haven.
So many towns;

they all run together.

Piles of leaves in the most vibrant

COLORS:

burning red

golden yellow
always moving
by foot, wheel, or wind.
Orange and brown

even some green;
Let’s go jump in them.

That looks like

fun.

No, let’s keep walking. It’s only a mile.
Up the hill, then down. Over the bridge,
then left. There’s Old Campus, over there’s
Central. The bells are ringing at
Christ Church Episcopal.

Down on Grove Street
we cast our shadows on
broken tombstones.
This is a good place to sit
and read.

“Here lies Nathan Beers
who was born at Stratford. His life was
RESPECTABLE. He received
a mortal wound
from a party of British troops
in his own home in 1779
when he
departed this life.”

Countless courtyards made of old stone,
some were made with
very old stone. Gothic arches with
iron gates;

The essentials here: books and coffee,
don’t forget about Dunkin Donuts
and subsidized beer.

I like Atticus. Serving millions
of scones since 1981.

It’s the Ivy League rivalry.
“Are you all set?”
I got a new scarf.
White and navy stripes
and a blue foam finger;

Sing “Boolah-Boo! BOO! BOO!
Harvard sucks and
Princeton doesn’t matter!”

Never compromise your work and
don’t walk alone
on the green in the dark. You could
get SHOT.
There’s a bitter chill while
waiting for the bus.

School on Monday;
“Are you all set?”
Welcome to New England.
You can see everything from here.

Coming Soon: Video blog of this weekend as soon as I can find a Macintosh.
(Photos of New Haven red maple tree and our shadows in the Grove Street Cemetery)

Swing That Sweet Music!

In a recent attempt to reignite my love of swing dancing, my friend Paul suggested that I take up the post of DJ. This piqued my interest because I've always wanted to have control over the music. Music, at least, is one aspect of swing I will never lose passion for. So I took up the challenge last night at the Handlebar. I had more fun being the DJ than I have had at a dance in months! It was a blast! I got to pick the songs from my personal music collection. I had a great view of the dance floor from my DJ hiding place behind the sound board. I loved watching the floor fill up with dancers after starting a great song. I was a little surprised at first at how well everyone seemed to enjoy my music. "They like it," I thought, while grinning inwardly.

I met lots of new people this way too. Dancers kept coming up to me asking "What was that last song you just played?" [On a side note to Nelly: I played a song from your Mango CD (Sister Kate by the Ditty Bops) and at least 5 people asked what it was. It was a huge hit!] I even danced a few songs for good measure. :)

I couldn't make it through the evening without at least one screw-up though. When we were ready to shut down for the evening I told Paul that I would play "Last Call", which is what he usually plays last. But before I could cue it up, he started picking on me saying that I could use his "last song" this time, but I had to come up with my own "last song" for next time. It only took a millisecond for itunes to shuffle to a new song when I wasn't paying attention. So, itunes picked my last song for me. Yes, I hate to admit it, but the last song I played was "Summer Girls" by LFO. I think I've had that song since high school. What's even funnier is that they actually danced to it! I am still laughing to myself. :) Hilarious.

So, now that I am a DJ, I need a rad DJ name. I am open to suggestions. Please, everyone, post your nominations!



(Photos of DJ me at the Handlebar)

Stirring a pot of thoughts...

The house is quiet today. I miss quiet days. It is sunny outside, and wind is blowing the leaves around. There are red, yellow, and white flowers on my kitchen table where I am sitting. My hand is warm from my holding my tea-mug. I am stirring a pot of thoughts in my head.

While driving to church this morning, I was thinking about a conversation I had with a friend on Friday night. Walking down Main Street we saw these two men asking people questions like, "If you died tonight, are you sure you would go to heaven?" I usually steer away from these people. My friend suggested we go and talk to them. A stab of fear pierced me. I told him that I was a chicken and that I wouldn't likely say anything. At this admission my heart sank a little with disappointment in myself. What am I so afraid of? What is so scary in talking to strangers about Jesus? I'm still not entirely sure. Its disturbing that I spent so many years of my life talking to non-Christian teenagers about Jesus and yet I am afraid to have a conversation on the street with a stranger who is at least claiming to be a Christian. This frustrates me. I am still stirring this around in my head.

Speaking of frustration, Grant preached an excellent sermon this morning on what to do with it. It should be posted later in the week at www.redeemerchurch.net. He said we must be both content and discontent. We can be content in our circumstances in light of the hope we have in Christ, despite our frustrations. We don't have to like the things that frustrate us, but we can know that there is something beyond all the frustration and should not lose heart. Then Grant said that while we are content with where God has placed us in life, we should be discontent with the state of the world we live in. We can't be content with "the way things are" and simply shrug our shoulders at the darkness. God desires us to take light into the darkness. He calls us to live faithfully here and now until the day when he makes all things new. These are very hard things to do well. I get frustrated that its hard.

I am thankful that even my frustration at my own sin and fear of man is covered by God's grace. I don't have all the answers to the questions and thoughts swirling around inside my pot, but I'm thinking that God's arm is long enough to reach deep into that pot. I'm hoping in that.

chocolate is a no brainer...

Well, I've decided to have a dinner party. I know, I am usually the anal, "my house has to be perfect before I can entertain people" type of person, but I've finally come to the realization that it just ain't gonna happen anytime during this lifetime, so I might as well just be hospitable with what I have. I'm having 12 of my favorite girlfriends over on Saturday night. It should be a good time. I fully intend to cook a fantastic dinner too. Here is what is on the menu so far.

SECRET DINNER INGREDIENT: Slow roasted tomatoes. I got this great recipe from Fine Cooking. You roast the tomatoes for about 4 hours and then you can do all sorts of things with them.

1st Course: Crostinis- options include a goat cheese/roasted tomato/pesto/pine nut dip, or whole roasted tomatoes topped with portabella mushroomsand feta. mmmmm.

2nd Course: Spinach Basil Salad tossed with, (you guessed it) roasted tomatoes, bacon, candied walnuts and lemon rosemary vinegrette made with roasted tomato oil. Yum.

3rd Course: Homemade ravioli filled with a parmigiana/butternut squash filling, topped with sauce made with (what else?) roasted tomatoes and fresh basil.

4th Course: Dessert. Except, here is where I run into a dilemma. I can't decide!!! I do know this, it must be chocolate. Chocolate is a no-brainer for a girls night. But I have so many options how can I choose? So, I've decided to try out one of Nelly's cool blogpolls to let the readers decide.

(Photo by Su-lin)

the psalms: a corporate poetry reading

I have been on a bit of a poetry kick lately. I've been reading more poetry, writing more poetry, and mulling over those poems more than usual. Poems help me to think about things with a different set of eyes. They force me to internalize and unpack the ideas on the paper. I like that.

Tonight at Paidea (our church bible study) we looked at the Psalms. I have read the Psalms many times, and have often camped there for extended periods of time. But it was different to look at the book in a different context; the context of genre, setting, and purpose. Toby made a great point about the poetry of the Psalms. You can't read poetry the same way you read your history book so you can't read Psalms the same way you read Exodus. It makes a difference to recognize the genre of the writing. Poetry almost invites the reader to read between the lines. It is intimate. It is compact. It has rhythm and theme. Poetry taps into emotion differently than prose. So it is with the Psalms.

I also found it interesting to consider that the Psalm-poems were (and still are) used as a tool for corporate worship. It wasn't as if the Hebrews sat quietly in a corner of Starbucks with their espresso and their poetry scrolls and pondered the sentiment behind David's laments. No! The Psalms were sung publicly and corporately. Can you imagine the whole assembly singing together the words of the psalmist, "How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart?" And in the next breath saying together, "But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing to the Lord, for he has been good to me." (Psalm 13:2,5-6)

It gives me chill bumps to think about it. I love poetry, and I'm coming to love God's poems more as I read them again with new eyes.

The Psalms are all about God and bringing our "stuff" to Him. He is the theme and motif. Toby said tonight, "If you finish reading a Psalm and you didn't encounter God in it, you need to read it again."

I think the church could use a few more corporate poetry readings. This is God's poetic Word. Lets read it together. Pass the mic.

(Photo by greentheory)

Operation Clutter Management

I am surrounded by entirely too much stuff. Its everywhere. I can't stand it much longer.

Too many clothes.
Too many papers on my desk.
Too many hats.
Too many shoes.
Too many coffee mugs.
Too many Pampered Chef spatulas.
Too many old wine bottles. (Why do we save these anyway?)
Too many dog toys.
Too many dogs. (We'll keep those.)
Too many pens.
Too many icons on my desktop.
Too many empty CD cases.
Too many loose CDs.
Too many old Pampered Chef catalogs.
Too many books. ( Wait, I take that back. You can't have too many of those.)
Too many Tupperware containers full of leftovers in the fridge.
Too many coats.
Too many cans of soup in the pantry.
Too many things on the mantle.
Too many leaves in the yard. (Can't really help that though.)
Too many necklaces tangled up in my jewelry box.
Too many magazines.
Too many crumbs on the kitchen floor. (And yes, we actually have too many brooms which we apparently don't use often enough)
Too many things I don't use or need.

Its time for a change. I feel a great need to simplify. To quote a Jack Johnson song, "reduce, reuse, and recycle." I'm not sure where to begin, but I think I'm going to start with my closet.

As of today I have a new mission. It may take an indefinite amount of time. It may be difficult. It may be overwhelming. It may be crazy. It may just help me breathe deeper and rest easier when I come home.

This message will self-destruct in 10 seconds. (whew, one less thing lying around.) :)

(Photo Clutter by Rev Dan Catt)

the highlight of my weekend:

They make my feet very happy! :)

See more shoes at www.remixvintageshoes.com

Balboa, only deadlier...

This weekend marked the third year I've attended the Eastern Balboa Championships in Raleigh, NC. In the four years I've been swing dancing this has remained my favorite event. The best balboa dancers in the world gather on the east coast for an incredible weekend of dancing, instruction, and competition. Its a rare opportunity to see such incredible dancers, learn from them, and hopefully, if I'm lucky, grab a couple of great dances with them. I think of all the different swing dances I've learned over the years, Balboa is my favorite. I may not be the best at it, but I have a great time trying! It is a real treat for me to come to this event.

This year turned out to be a bit different than previous years, both in good and disappointing ways. In the past I have always come alone. This year I came with several friends, which changed the dynamic and made for a really fun time on and off the dance floor. I have really enjoyed hanging out with such fun people. However, I've been feeling a bit burnt out from dancing lately. I was hoping this weekend would give me my second wind and re-light the spark I had before. What I've realized though, is that it is time for me to take an extended break from dancing. I hate to admit it, but I don't love it as much as I used to. I've reached a plateau in my skill level and I'm not really getting any better. I don't want to give it up forever, but maybe it will be good for me to break from dancing for a bit.

My friends Steve and Deb were here this weekend with their new baby and I got the great pleasure of holding her for awhile. When she got fussy, it came natural for me to start dancing with her in my arms. The movement quickly quieted her and it made me smile inside. I hope one day I can dance with my own babies in my arms. The beautiful reality is that I will never stop loving the music, and therefore I will never be able to stop moving to it. I can't help it. Its in my system. And besides, I got new red dance shoes this weekend, so they'll keep me motivated to dance on good floors periodically for awhile. :)